Say what you will about the past eight years. But one positive did emerge through the diplomatic carnage left by the Bush Administration.Boobs got bigger.Between 1992 and 2003, the number of breast augmentations in the U.S. burgeoned 657 percent, according to The American Society of Plastic Surgeons.The past few years those numbers have remained substantially high. Nearly 11 million cosmetic plastic surgery procedures were performed in the U.S. in 2006, according to The Daily Beast.More recent breast augmentation statistics indicate the demand for implants rose the past few years, despite soaring surgery costs, which range from $4,000 to $10,000.Yet in 2007, the ASPS reported American consumers spent more than $12 billion on cosmetic surgery with women ranging in age between 18 and 85.But, evidently, what goes up must come down.Recent empirical evidence indicates the economic slowdown has grabbed a hold of boobs and appears poised to further burst our inflationary boob bubble.So far, the ASPS reported a 62 percent overall decrease in cosmetic surgery from 2007 to 2008.Now that financial collapse has struck, economic resources and nourishment in the sagging boob sector have been sucked dry.Investors who stuck their stock in breast bonds have been struggling to squeeze anything out of the limp market.The less money the system collects, the less silicone it pumps out. Many factors can be attributed to this trend.The most salient is Americans have the lowest rate of savings of any populace in the developed world, currently hovering around zero percent.Because of this, many families will simply be forced to cut back on extraneous expenses — breast implants included.This morphing trend will become increasingly apparent on college campuses.Researchers predict, with economic stagflation at its highest level in decades, parents will be less likely to finance their daughters’ breast augmentations.Instead, the income will presumably be allocated to most critical factions, not towards raising the bra.But perhaps that isn’t such a bad thing.OK — I redact — maybe it’s cataclysmic, after all.But it’s unquestionable that in the past few years some parents have gone way too far by placing a premium on physical perfection.Across the nation, surveys indicated the most popular high school graduation present for young girls in the past few years wasn’t a new car, but money for breast implants.In Arizona a preacher was fired because he allegedly used church funding to finance his wife’s implants in the mid ’90s.Across the pond, a British family fought authorities to get their 15-year-old daughter the breast implants she had been pleading for since she was 12.Until the financial crisis hit, cosmetic surgery encountered virtually no obstruction from medical health professionals or media enablers.Now the greatest threat the industry faces isn’t medical restriction.It’s consumer destitution. The consumer market is less sclerotic and perky. And now, so are our boobs.Even someone like the late Anna Nicole Smith, whose cosmetic implant investments are still supple as ever, can understand empty wallets equal empty bras.No matter what President Obama does to stimulate the economy, chances are his breast will never be good enough.That means, for the next few years, Americans will likely endure small, sagging, disproportionate breasts.That’s not change we can believe in.Obama claimed he believed America would soon find a cure to cancer. But so far, his policies have given us financial breast cancer.Americans aren’t ready to let go of their boobs. And if you’re not willing to do something about it, Obama, you can suck my tits.Boobs.Scott Burns is a 19-year-old political science and business sophomore from Baton Rouge.–Contact Scott Burns at [email protected]