I avoid the famed Free Speech Plaza in front of the Student Union at all costs, especially during Student Government election season. If there’s no way around it, you can bet I’m on my phone pretending to check Twitter.

The only unobtrusive person present is poor Mr. Jesus Talks, and the Ask-a-Mormons. I respect them. But to the rest of the poor souls who’ve sold their dignity to entice passerby with fliers and free koozies, I’m sorry.

I believe the old adage, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game” applies here. We’ve created a system in which table-sitting is the most accessible way to get the word out about an event.

Unless, of course, you’re part of a Greek organization, in which case even those 76 percent of Greek-affiliated U.S. Senators will know within the hour.

For the rest of us not graced with such connections, a table-sit is the best way to get the word out. The other options include immediately deleted University emails, fliers and Facebook events, all three of which are easily brushed off.

Shoving tracts in someone’s face and asking them to sign petitions is much more in-your-face.

Essentially, what we have in Free Speech Plaza is a protected area for student organizations, apartment complexes and bars to recruit and entice.

These are the depths to which our interpretation of free speech has plummeted. Our dear old tradition has turned into protected advertising.

That’s you, too, SG. Your job is not advocacy.

Each campaign advertises for its candidates, and does a pretty thorough job of it. I mean, I haven’t been able to wear red or blue for the past week for fear of someone misinterpreting it as support of one candidate or the other.

Where are the activists protesting the lack of female professors? Or the reorganization of the University’s leadership? Are we really that complacent?

I could handle that sort of activism. Having to weave around people handing out flyers for their next event, not so much.

Sure, there was the contentious instance of flag-burning two years ago, but since then, the famed alley has resisted demonstrations. If you ask me, this campus has experienced plenty of riot-worthy issues in the past two years, most of them involving the school’s budget, something near and dear to our poor student hearts.

At the least, someone could write a horror movie about gauntlet-running based on an everyday student’s experience in front of the Union.

Even though I’m sure students have learned of valuable opportunities from the alley, we don’t need to keep it a dedicated space for selling various fundraisers. That’s what the Student Organizations Fair is for.

Just read the fliers posted everywhere or make a few friends. Everyone’s so nice they’ll tell you all about events anyway.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve walked through Free Speech Plaza unmolested, and most of those occurred on weekends.

Don’t even get me started on Go-to-Hell Tuesdays. And Wednesdays. And any day someone decides to evangelize.

That’s not free speech, it’s intimidation. At least it creates some sort of discussion among students, even if it also showcases just how much of a circus this place can be sometimes.

There’s Southern charm for you.

So pack up your clever displays and wipe those grins off your face. Want to use Free Speech Plaza for its full potential? Start a revolution concerning something of note.

I can’t promise anything though, because chances are, students still won’t listen.