A well-dressed, impeccably groomed white guy dominates the charts with hip-hop infused R&B singles. His music videos electrify the Internet, and his status as a married man can’t stop explicit sexual content from filling almost all of his songs. He’s made special appearances on Jimmy Fallon, and you can’t turn on the radio in 2013 without hearing his voice.
Is this man Robin Thicke, or is he Justin Timberlake?
It’s clear that Thicke would love for you to think he’s the new Timberlake, but the fact is, he just can’t pull it off. When you look closely at the two, they don’t actually have that much in common. Simply put, Timberlake works. Thicke doesn’t.
It’d be easy to just point to the difference in their talent and leave it at that. After all, there’s no question that Thicke just doesn’t have the chops as a songwriter or a vocalist to keep up with Timberlake, whose versatility and prowess as a performer certainly sets him apart. But it goes deeper than that.
Yes — both Thicke and Timberlake make a lot of sexually charged music, but the difference is in the tone of the lyrics. Thicke says, “I know you want it” (“Blurred Lines”). Timberlake says, “Tell me which way you like that” (“FutureSex/LoveSounds”). Thicke says, “Girl, give it to me” (“Give It 2 U”). Timberlake says, “If it feels good to you, then it’ll feel good to me” (“Summer Love/Set the Mood Prelude”).
Starting to notice a pattern?
While Thicke’s songs are all about what he’s going to do to you, Timberlake’s are about what you want him to do for you. Sorry, Robin, but I’d rather listen to a musician that doesn’t sound like a sexual predator most of the time.
And that’s where the divide really begins. Robin Thicke is a sleazebag.
I’m not going to pretend like Justin Timberlake is all class all the time. After all, his latest single “TKO” opens with Timbaland using one of the least classy words for the female anatomy ever. But at least Timberlake has had the respect to stop humping naked girls in music videos (and VMA performances) since he settled down with Jessica Biel. Thicke doesn’t let a little thing like marriage come between him and reaping the benefits of shock factor by rubbing his junk on girls in latex.
Thicke has sunk to levels of raunchy, unapologetic, misogynistic sleaze that couldn’t be redeemed even if his music had any real artistic quality. Where did this all begin for him? From what sweaty armpit of humanity does this come? Did he congeal in a gutter somewhere?
Thicke has taken to the press to clear up any mystery about his origins. His father, actor Alan Thicke, is worth $40 million (according to CelebrityNetWorth.com) and has been a philandering old pervert for decades (according to his own flesh and blood). Thicke recently told Elle Magazine a charming story of witnessing his father “have” beauty queen after beauty queen in his freaky Canadian sex pad. Clearly the creepy apple does not fall far from the horny tree.
I’m sure Timberlake got into his fair share of tour bus shenanigans during his boy band days, but at least he had those days. A big part of the reason we as pop culture followers root for Timberlake comes from watching him grow up and work for his success. He landed a spot in the Mickey Mouse Club as a kid, put in his time in the boy band cash factory, broke free into a solo career and has been repeatedly reinventing himself and his image ever since. Would Thicke even have a career if he wasn’t bankrolled by “Growing Pains” royalties?
All this — the nepotism, the pushy lyrics, “Robin Thicke has a big d***” spelled out in mylar balloons” — adds up to make Thicke the least likeable guy in the business. I don’t care how down you are with Pharrell. You’re still gross.
So don’t let Robin Thicke’s try-hard, Timberlake-wannabe aesthetic fool you. He is not the new JT. He’s not smooth. He’s not dynamic or inventive. Justin Timberlake basically invented him.
Kaci Yoder is a 22-year-old mass communication senior from Baton Rouge.