How would you feel if you wrote some long-winded plan to help keep an entire nation healthy and satisfied, and three years after signing it into effect, the opposition tried to hold the government hostage to get some form of so-called compromise?
I mean, I’d bake you some cookies if this happened. Maybe even a whole cake.
That’s what’s happening with the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, aka liberals stealing my money, aka Hobby Lobby plans to shut down if we have to fund birth control.
On a side note, I really thought we’d have moved past the whole women shouldn’t have access to health care spiel at this point but apparently not.
There are so many trivial arguments about the current U.S. health care system that I sometimes want to grab my backpack and bike off into the sunset so I don’t have to listen to the complaints.
I’ve got a route all planned out, and it ends somewhere out West, deep in a national park so the health care-averse Republican bickering never finds me.
Maybe not, though, since we’re currently spending government money to keep people off of the land.
I’ll bring gauze, some Neosporin and a rifle and live out my days in peace, off the grid and unworried about health care.
The way I see it, when we die, it’s time to go. So if I end up dead from an 18-wheeler barreling into me 20 minutes into this plan, that’s regrettable, but I’m not exactly here to lament my decision.
I recognize this seems like a selfish idea, but it makes logical sense.
The globe is overpopulated anyway.
Instead of worrying about pre-existing conditions, like my inability to see without contacts and being a woman (again, why this vendetta against half the population?), we can let nature take care of it.
If I can’t see the prey I’m supposed to eat, then I guess I’ll turn vegetarian, which is by some studies better for the world at this point.
So on top of living off the land, I’ll be able to treat it well.
Plus, if I make it to my off-grid hideout, I’ll save the government so much money.
I’ll be a non-entity, with no insurance, no bank holdings, nothing. If I disappear, I’m not a fiscal risk. I’m not asking for grants or loans.
More likely, I’ll graduate college, scrounge for some decent job where I’m under fluorescent bulbs all day and continue scheming about independence.
And I’ll be insured under the Affordable Care Act because that’s what makes sense right now. At least I hope so, because no matter how hellish this plan seems, it’s a step in the right direction.
It’s a step the government decided on three whole years ago, and why most Republicans have turned it into a political play against Obama and the Democrats is beyond me.
The Republicans have turned this into a botched wedding, where they’ve been engaged to the Democrats via a working health care plan for three years and decided to leave them at the altar Oct. 1.
On top of that, those nasty Republicans are telling everyone the Democrats didn’t consider an open relationship they never brought up after the engagement.
So it’s just a weird situation all around, and I’d like to take my chances without organized hospitals and salesmen doctors.
There are so many layers of who’s paying who and how much certain plans cost and the cost of emergency room visits that small communities working with a professional or so each would be much more efficient.
We shouldn’t leave basic cleanliness behind, but living off the grid would require much less hand sanitizer.
There are even quite a few swamps in Louisiana, and I’m feeling lucky about my chances with alligators.
I’ll build an extra room in my treehouse if you promise to bring me cookies.