When I met with a counselor from my senior college earlier this week and she asked me why I made the appointment, I was embarrassed to admit I made a mess of things, academically.
The fact that I made it to my junior year of college without ever seeing her before is a clue to how well I’m doing. But she laughed and told me that she sees students every day who have made mistakes along the way.
Her laughter put me at ease, but knowing other University students have made mistakes didn’t help.
This semester alone, I have faced financial struggles, been in my first car accident and missed an important exam in a class I will now barely pass. Each mistake came with an initial feeling of being punched in the gut, accompanied with the knowledge that there was something I could have done to prevent it.
But as with the grieving process, the process of fixing a mistake begins with denial. When I got a D on an exam, I directed my anger toward the professor. I complained to my friends that I had been unfairly graded, but the truth was I didn’t attend class.
The low grade was a result of not sleeping the night before because I had to cram four weeks of notes into my stressed brain. Denying responsibility allowed me to deny that I had made a mistake.
It also allowed me to keep making those same mistakes.
The second stage of fixing a mistake is anger. Once I admitted to myself my exam grade was more telling of my poor attendance habits than having a poor professor, I became angry with myself for developing those bad habits. I allowed myself to prioritize work over class, leading to that bad grade.
I’m angry with myself for going from an honor roll student in high school to one who gives professors the feeling I couldn’t care less about my education. I also got angry that I didn’t hold myself accountable for my actions.
Next came the most crucial step of fixing the mess I made: I accepted responsibility, but I had to be honest with myself.
I’m not a self-motivated student anymore. My roommate’s parents are heavily involved in her academic life. My mother isn’t, but mostly because in the past she never had to be. I didn’t need a potential grounding to make me study. Now I find myself struggling with self-accountability.
So I’ve taken on a few accountability partners.
These are people with whom I’ve been completely honest about my situation and asked them for encouragement — and occasionally a stern lecture — to keep me on track. While we aren’t children who need parents to look over our shoulders, college is a stressful time, and it’s important now for us to have a solid support system.
The final stage of fixing these mistakes was to accept the fact that while I’m working each day to do better, I will no doubt fail again. We’re human, and we shouldn’t try to be anything other than that.
But the difference between a failure and a mistake is whether we learn from it.
College is stressful and every mistake has the potential to make you feel like your life is over. But taking each day, task or mistake one at a time will help you to keep breathing. Because even though seeing a projected final grade of an F feels like a monumental failure, I’ve scheduled a winter intersession class and won’t lose any of my financial aid.
I’ve worked through my mistake, and at the risk of sounding cliche, I’m going to be better for it.
Jana King is a 20-year-old communication studies junior from Ponchatoula, Louisiana. You can reach her on Twitter @jking_TDR.