We thought we were safe, that we had more time. We were sorely mistaken. This past Sunday, temperatures in Baton Rouge were reported to have reached as low as 50 degrees Fahrenheit, the lowest they have been for months.
There’s no hiding from it. Winter is here, and we all need to prepare.
Now, I know the knee jerk reaction from some will be a shrill cry of, “Yaaasss,” but we can’t forget the toll that the increasingly cold weather took on the LSU community last year.
Never mind the frozen streets and the accidents that ensued. I don’t think our infrastructure can support that many UGG boots, sweaters and declarations of “cuddle weather” a second time around. I don’t think my liver could take that much abuse in the span of two or three days again, either.
It won’t be an immediate transformation to a snow-scape that makes people wonder what’s going on. It will be a gradual descent into our own can’t-tell-if-that’s-rain-or-sleet hell.
The change will be a long journey, but we’ll start seeing the signs soon enough. First, we’ll begin to see a spike in pumpkin prices. I really shouldn’t have to tell you why; you’ve seen it with your own eyes. People who wear button-ups will cease to roll up their sleeves because, damnit, it’s gotten chilly outside.
Next, almost every sorority girl will make their yearly migration from Nike shorts to yoga pants, despite some of them having never done yoga or even knowing exactly what it is. I fully expect the switch from oversized short sleeved T-shirts to oversized long sleeved T-shirts to happen simultaneously.
Finally, there will be a sharp increase in flannel-wearing by non-hipsters, who will insist that they are only layering. Then comes the last nail in summer’s coffin: the return of sweaters. Mark my words, be it cardigans, hoodies or anything warm and comfy in between, the first instance of necessary sweater wearing in Death Valley will be nature’s crossing of the Rubicon into the cold abyss of winter.
Should the worst case scenario come to fruition, and LSU is closed for a few days because of driving hazards, it will be necessary to turn into the skid, literally and figuratively.
While most in the Baton Rouge area dare not tread on roads laden with millimeter-thick ice, there will be some who insist they’ve totally done this before despite never having been north of Alexandria. We can fully expect another onslaught of automobile accidents jamming up our roads — as if that was not already a problem around here.
Even worse, the supply of alcohol and microwaveable food at stores that stretch the term “walking distance” will dry up faster than a fifth of Jack on Boys’ Bid Night. Come December, start keeping an eye on the weekly forecasts or Lenar Whitney’s thermometer. If at any point you suspect a deep freeze with a chance of precipitation, proceed to your nearest grocery store and grab as many bowls of Easy Mac and handles of cheap port as you can.
Sunday’s moderate dip in temperature should be a wake-up call to everyone. Soon enough, Baton Rouge will start feeling less like the muggy swamp we love so much, and more like a temperate mid-Atlantic city.
God help us.
Ryan McGehee is a 21-year-old political science, history, and international studies senior from Zachary, Louisiana. You can reach him on Twitter
@JRyanMcGehee.