Chancellor F. King Alexander is revealed to be an actual king, Logan eats Froyo in the name of science, and MJ sure is passionate about his love affair with Bill O’Reilly. These stories and more in these highlights from The Funyon.
LSU CLOSES DOWN STUDIO ART BUILDING
LSU Facility Services announced that they have closed the Studio Art Building for what experts are calling “airborne tetanus”. While many students have been petitioning for LSU to quickly repair the building and reopen it, university officials say that the funds simply aren’t available. Funds will instead be appropriated towards Lay-Z-Boy seating in the student’s section of Tiger Stadium. 
F. KING ALEXANDER AN ACTUAL KING
Chancellor F. King Alexander was revealed to be an actual king this week by documents obtained by The Funyon. His Majesty King Alexander’s domain includes a tiny country bordering Latvia, but we couldn’t find it on a map. His Royal Highness King Alexander could not be reached for comment. 
FROZEN YOGURT HEALTHIER THAN WATER
Scientists this week revealed that frozen yogurt is healthier than water. The delicious treat, beloved by children and sorority girls alike, contains all of the necessary vitamins and minerals to survive and can provide the hydration needed from water. Logan Anderson decided to test out these claims for herself during the show. While Ms. Anderson is still lively and beautiful, the test results were inconclusive. 
FLORIDA MAN RAMS CUSTOMER WITH SHOPPING CART
A Florida Man cause quite a stir at his local Walmart when we rammed a fellow customer in the express lane for having more than twenty items. This isn’t the first time Florida Man has caused trouble. In 2013, Florida Man ran over a pack of shopping grandmothers with his van. 
TOILETS RECALLED FOR RISK OF EXPLOSION
The Toto Toilet company this week announced a recall for over 350k units of their latest in a series of toilets. The Flushmaster III system releases a stream of water so powerful that it could potentially break apart the bowl. One unfortunate customer said he experienced the extraordinarily powerful stream on a number of occasions, but assumed that it was simply a delightfully powerful bidet. 
OBAMA MARIJUANA COMMENTS STIR CONTROVERSY
President Obama’s recent remarks about how marijuana is not as bad as alcohol has stirred debate US citizens this week. Moms across the nation discouraged their children from discussing marijuana on their favorite social networks just in case the NSA is trying to find where the good weed be at. 
For Logan’s Facebook friends: you got to get your moms to stop sending her FarmVille invites. Ew; why is your mother on Facebook anyways?!