As a super-serious journalist, I only write about matters of extreme importance such as Doge memes and pimping out my various achievements in all fields of life. However, I have to take time today to write about something very near and dear to my heart: Justin Bieber. 
You may vilify, chastise, and disagree with them. However, celebrities like Justin Bieber, Courtney Stodden, and Lindsay Lohan are an integral part of society. They keep us distracted from the calamity and stress of our everyday lives.
Some people, however, claim that giving attention to celebrities is a bad thing that only leads to more trivial acts of delinquency that are then plastered across all forms of media. In other words, celebs love attention and will do anything for it. 
Thus, celebrities are always coming up with new and ingenious ways to capture our hearts and minds like new boob jobs and popping ecstasy in a club bathroom with Paris Hilton. These are the stories we like: they’re scandalous, they’re fun, and America just loves a good ol’ train wreck from time to time. This is why the media talks about it: because we want it. 
However, there are some of us in the media who have a disdain for anything mainstream. Let’s just call these people “self-absorbed pompous white kids who, just like celebrities, love attention”. These self-absorbed pompous white kids who, just like celebrities, love attention are always looking for the next thing to whine and complain about, and celebrities are the oldest trick in the book. Don’t get me wrong; these white kids are very smart. In fact, they’ve probably gone to the best schools at home and have purchased-I mean… gained many accomplishments. They also realize that people crave rumors of over-sexed celebrities and their trials and tribulations. Media companies realize you want it too and make tons of cash getting you to click on their links. Of course, those self-absorbed pompous white kids who, just like celebrities, love attention want a piece of the action, too. They don’t want to look like they’ve conformed to the mainstream and must protect their status as a self-absorbed pompous white kid who, just like celebrities, loves attention. That’s why it’s easy for them to write an article complaining about people who write articles on celebrities. In turn, they, in an ironic twist, give even more of the attention they rallied against to said celebrities. Thus, the circle of life is born. 
In a world where information is iBeamed to your retinas every minute of the day from that big iCloud in the sky, it’s hard not to care even a little about celebrities. Those who truly don’t probably won’t even mention or think of their names. Those who do, however will inevitably spew out the same regurgitated rumors and trash we all hear every time a celeb does something scandalous. And that’s okay, because deep down inside our tarnished souls, we love it and we’ll never get enough of it.