Growing up, every child is told to pursue fairy tale love. You’ll find your prince, princess, lord, lady or good-natured peasant, and you’ll fall in a deep, true love.
Alas, how love is oftentimes approached nowadays isn’t at all conducive to this naive notion. Sure, kids are told to be respectful and kind when they grow up, but how often do children take this plea and carry it in their chests as they age?
Not often.
As we grow up, our words change from the simplistic but earnest, “I think I like-like you,” to, “U up?”
But it wasn’t always like this. In the past, children did grow up to be knights and royals. They went from saying, “Methinks I’m rather fond of you,” to, “I can’t tell you how piercingly and endlessly I think about you.” (That quote is from one of Virginia Woolf’s letters to Vita Sackville-West and is heart-wrenchingly beautiful.)
This change in how romance is approached is downright facinorous. You may argue that people have changed the way they speak, that we’ve traded the pen and paper for the digital. While true, that’s no excuse for the foul cesspit that is modern day “romance.”
Calling today’s damnable romantic practices an attempt at love is reproachable. All too often, people are just trying to get into another person’s pants. And that’s okay in and of itself, but the problem is that people consider it love. They use the same tactics for romance as they do for seduction.
Maybe, instead of aggressively chucking compliments or (flirtatious) insults toward the subject of your infatuation, try being sincere? Don’t offer up some beastly bile—i.e. TikTok “rizz”—in the hope that it gets you a one-way trip to hearing “Bridal Chorus” by Richard Wagner.
If you’re trying to get into someone’s heart, the absolute least you can do is be original or, dare I say, poetic. In fact, poetry used to be the default route into another person’s heart.
It should be noted that the words someone uses to declare their love don’t have to be some overcomplicated, SAT-worthy drivel. You don’t have to be a great wordsmith; words are hard. Trust me, I know.
“The Song of Achilles” by Madeline Miller provides some valuable examples. You could say something like this about your partner: “I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” It’s beautiful, heart-breaking and, most importantly, accessible.
Or, perhaps, instead of dedicating psalms to your love, develop something special that you do for them on a devoted schedule. Picnics, love letters (avoid texts, paper is more physical), playlists, candy and flowers (try to spice up roses by swapping them out for your partner’s favorite flower) are all lovely options.
In general, just dedicate genuine time to your lover.
“But I do/would!” you cry. Good. Keep it going — you’re a rarity.
The problem with many people when it comes to courting is they’re afraid of being seen as dumb, cringey or a tryhard. To this, I say… get over it!
Being dumb is funny when good natured, and being cringey can sometimes be endearing. Also being called a tryhard for the offense of trying to be romantic just means that person isn’t right for you.
Garrett McEntee is an 18-year-old English freshman from Benton.