Everybody knows “that guy.” He’s the one who makes you sigh, facepalm and shake your head all at once from his overwhelming idiocy.
For me, Gov. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal is that guy, except instead of facepalming, I want to put my palm in his face.
On Thursday, Louisiana’s least-favorite Indian-American bigot decided that making sure the Legislature finds a solution to the $1.6 billion budget shortfall can wait. Instead, he penned a pitiful opinion piece for The New York Times entitled “I’m Holding Firm Against Gay Marriage.”
He should’ve called it “I’m an Unoriginal, Insensitive Blowhard Who’ll Never Be President” — or at least, that’s what I gathered from the nearly 900-word hackwork.
Without yet getting into the ridiculousness of the column’s content, it’s obvious to anyone who has paid attention to Louisiana government recently that the op-ed is serving two purposes for Jindal.
First, it’s an attempt to distract the national media — and presumably rich campaign donors — from his abominable performance as governor. This is doubly true for the recent budget crisis, where he’s provided no guidance to state legislators on, for example, what kinds of cuts to corporate tax credits he’d be willing to sign into law.
Secondly, it’s another misguided effort to gain the sympathies of social conservatives who’ve already decided that former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee is their new-age banjo Jesus.
Heads up Jindal: Anyone paying attention knows your position already. They either don’t agree with you or have already found a better candidate to support.
Getting into the meat and potatoes of it, Jindal’s central claim is that House Bill 707, the “Marriage and Conscience Act,” is not designed to create a right to discriminate against gays and lesbians. He said the law does nothing more than make “our constitutional freedom so well defined that no judge can miss it.”
This is a load of nonsense for two reasons.
First, if Jindal is correct that the legislation only deals with constitutional protections and not discrimination, then this bill is completely and utterly pointless. Because of something called the First Amendment, every U.S. citizen has the right to religious freedom as long as their practices do not interfere with the rights of others.
Let’s be honest here. Does anybody actually think there is a danger of Louisiana and its judges suddenly reversing their support for traditional marriage? Considering Louisiana was one of the few states to have its ban on same-sex marriage upheld by a federal district judge, it doesn’t look like things will change here until the U.S. Supreme Court rules on the issue.
If you’re still not optimistic about the ability of Louisiana courts to properly support the First Amendment, consider the state’s 1999 anti-SLAPP law, which gives defendants a special motion to dismiss a lawsuit right off the bat if it falls within the right of free speech.
If the state’s Christian businesses in Louisiana are just exercising their constitutional right to freedom of religion, then they should have no issues winning their cases without the Marriage and Conscience Act.
What really prickles my peaches, however, is Jindal’s unending hypocrisy.
In the column, he says, “A pluralistic and diverse society like ours can exist only if we all tolerate people who disagree with us.” What he means is same-sex marriage proponents will have to tolerate those who don’t believe in same-sex marriage if we want society to function.
However, when a gay couple has the audacity to ask Jindal to tolerate their different conception of love, Jindal tells toleration to go drown in the Mississippi River. He’d rather support every measure possible to make them feel unwelcome and unloved in this state and around the country.
I know I’m leaving out a lot on Jindal’s misconstruing of economic conservatism with social conservatism, straw-man attacks on liberals and conspiratorial views about companies who support marriage equality. I only have so much time to type and so many inches of paper to fill — I honestly don’t think I could fit it all.
One thing’s for sure: Jindal has somehow managed to make me like him less and less with each passing proclamation from him or his team. I never knew someone could fall below rock bottom.
James Richards is a 20-year-old mass communication sophomore from New Orleans. You can reach him on Twitter @JayEllRichy.