40 days and 40 nights sounds like a long stretch but Lent is more than just giving up something. It’s finding yourself. Just kidding! It can suck if you give up something you enjoy but that’s part of the sacrifice right? But here are some Lent loopholes to make Jesus tolerate you one day at a time. Even if you’re not Catholic, you can make a bet out of it and join the fast!
If You’re Giving Up the Following:
- Sweets –Eat sugar-free stuff and you’re good-to-go!
- Swearing – Learn swear words in foreign languages. You’ll hit two birds with one stone by learning a new language and getting your friggin point across.
- Sex – This is a trickier sacrifice since the definition of sex is subjective. For Lent, it’s best to avoid all sexual activity if you want to “re-virginize” (if that’s a word) yourself for the Lord. Start off by saying you’re “abstinent.” You’ll keep your dignity and it sounds less damning. But self-love is the most important love. And it’s self-love that will keep you satisfied during this time (wink wink).
Follow these Lent loopholes so you can serve your 40 day and 40 night sentence. If you find yourself tempted to break your promise to the Lord on high, just ask yourself, what would Jesus do?
The preceding was a work of satire and we plan on going to confession as soon as possible.
