Ariana Grande released her new single “Focus” on Oct. 30 to much fanfare. The only person who wasn’t happy was icy sorceress Mariah Carey.
Grande revealed that, until recently, she was under Carey’s dark Christmas magic spell.
“It was bad,” Grande said in an interview on the “Today Show.” “I was her Horcrux. Our souls were linked. She’s been feeding off my talent and energy for years now.”
Grande said her erratic behavior this summer was caused by Carey’s sway over her.
“She made me lick that doughnut,” Grande confessed. “She said her body couldn’t eat it, but mine could. It was awful. I only eat gluten and dairy-free
doughnuts. Everyone knows that!”
Grande said she broke free of Carey’s dominion thanks to this fall’s unusually warm weather.
“See, she’s only strong when it’s cold outside. The heat wave gave me a chance to build my strength and fight her off one last time,” Grande said.
Grande said she hopes her new single encourages her fans to fight their own demons.
“When I had like eight middle-aged black men write ‘Focus,’ I wanted them to remind my tween fans they can do anything if they put their minds to it — while also giving them a sick beat to bop to,” Grande said before randomly singing the song’s chorus.
Carey wasn’t available to comment on this story because of her refusal of any interviews requiring her to leave her bed, but her representatives offered a statement instead.
Her reps said, “Mariah is gearing up for her extensive, annual winter promo for ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You.’ She doesn’t have the time or energy to address Grande’s allegations.”
Carey’s reps adamantly denied Grande’s claims of evil witchcraft.
“Everyone knows Mariah is a good witch. Any insinuations that Mariah practices evil magic are absurdly false,” Carey’s reps said.
Fans can watch Grande lip-synch to “Focus” at this Sunday’s American Music Awards on ABC.
John Gavin Harp is a 20-year-old mass communication junior from St. Francisville, Louisiana. You can reach him on Twitter @SirJohnGavin.

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