If Justin Timberlake brought sexy back, the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina castrated it. This particular GOP sub-group requires its members to sign a pledge before they join, stating they have never had pre-marital sex and will never look at pornography again. Their rationale: The party “does not want to associate with candidates who do not act and speak in a manner that is consistent with the SC Republican Party Platform.” My initial reaction to hearing this: “What a bunch of prudes.” But after getting used to the idea of sexless politics, I’ve decided to commend the LCRP. Finally, politicians who practice what they preach.  If politicians never comment on the sextra-curricular activities of others, they wouldn’t have to live up to them.  The sad truth is that many candidates, typically Republicans, have to gain votes by denouncing any sort of sex outside of marriage.  Former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann told her supporters she would strive to ban pornography. These ambitions seek to alienate certain Americans from exercising their freedoms.  Luckily for all of us, Time Magazine compiled a list of the top 10 political sex scandals. Let’s have a look.  David Vitter, who Louisiana’s geniuses recently re-elected, apologized for his hypocrisy only after being caught in a prostitution scandal. Vitter is a staunch advocate of abstinence-only education and a constitutional ban on gay marriage.  Mark Sanford, former governor of South Carolina and head of the Republican Governors Association, went missing only to turn up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where he was visiting his mistress.  Former Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, was caught by undercover police trying to solicit anonymous sex in a bathroom at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.  Yes, all of the aforementioned are Republicans, some of whom spoke out against the same behavior in which they themselves were engaging. Don’t fret, though, because the Democrats have plenty of sex scandals to match. Retired Congressman Barney Frank, D-Mass., paid a male prostitute for sex. Frank then allowed the same individual to live in his home while still working as a prostitute. The prostitute eventually turned Frank’s home into a brothel, something Frank supposedly didn’t know. Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was caught with $1,000-an-hour call girls. This could have blown over, had Spitzer not vehemently fought against prostitution rings during his tenure as New York’s attorney general.  How can we forget the moneyshot heard ’round the world – the infamous scandal of Bill Clinton, who turned the Oval Office into a fellatio festival. What exactly are Monica Lewinsky’s qualifications on her résumé? While politicians on both sides of the aisle have stayed sexy, GOP voters have become quite mundane in the bedroom.  It is this lack of libido in the voters that has driven some candidates to the extreme when it comes to speaking out against unnatural or immoral sexual behavior.  You see, it’s not the politicians’ fault for being perverts. It’s the voters’ fault for not being perverted enough.  While I admire the LCRP for walking the walk, I still maintain that a person’s sex life is nobody else’s business. All politicians have to do is stop talking about sex and no one can call them hypocritical. Effectiveness and accountability should be what voters look for in the current election season. Are your representatives active, and are they sticking to the standards they set for others? That’s what’s important.  It’s easier to criticize a loudmouth than a mute. 
Parker Cramer is a 21-year-old political science junior from Houston. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_pcramer.
 
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