In today’s world, we seem to talk non-stop about every little detail of our lives.
Twenty-four hour television news stations and social media have given rise to a generation talking about every part of their existence on a regular basis.
Except sex.
We jump to talk about sex like it’s condemned by society, akin to prostitution or pornography. But what about the good stuff? When asked to talk to another person, whether a partner or doctor, about our sex life, we clam up like a deaf-mute.
A new study released in The Journal of Sexual Medicine exemplifies this problem, noting that less than half of OB-GYNs participating in the study ask their patients about their sexual satisfaction or problems or even confirm their sexual orientation.
If professionals aren’t talking about it, it’s not a stretch to understand why people don’t talk to their partners about it either.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – talking about sex is awkward the first few times you do it. But if you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having sex.
“The Talk” is one of the most important conversations you can have with your doctor and your partner, especially if you’re having problems.
I know it’s easy for me to say you should do this and go on my merry way. Talking the talk is easy ,but walking the walk gets a little trickier.
If you’re having a problem with sex, it’s a good idea to get a medical checkup first to ensure everything’s in working order. Abnormal hormone levels or a malfunctioning thyroid could cause issues with libido, ability to orgasm, lubrication or erection.
Once you’ve gotten the all-clear from your doctor, start talking with your partner.
Before you dive in headfirst, be aware of what you want to get out of the conversation. You can’t tackle every sexual problem in one discussion.
Plan out what you want to talk about and be specific. You can’t say, “I’m not orgasming and you should fix it,” and expect everything to magically get better.
Do some preparation ahead of time.
If you’re not having an orgasm, do you have an idea why? You need to be specific in talking about particular types of stimulation you may need, if you need a longer foreplay period or what you think may be causing the problem.
Starting these conversations is the most awkward part.
If you can survive five minutes talking about sex, you’ll relax. It might feel like you’re having an anxiety attack, but stay focused on the conversation. It gets easier as you move past the initial awkwardness and stress of discussing sex.
And when you have “The Talk,” avoid using the cliché opener, “We need to talk.”
That line strikes fear into every person’s heart and causes a mental shut down before you ever get started. Another maneuver to avoid is talking about sexual problems in your bed or if you’re about to have sex.
Plan the chat in neutral territory like the living room. Start off by describing your experience – something like, “I’ve noticed it’s been hard for me to orgasm the last few times we went at it. I’ve thought about it, and I think I’ve found some things we can try to make it better.”
Never seek to place blame on anyone for the problem or claim it’s solely their fault. You’ll never salvage your sex life if you don’t share the responsibility and avoid blame.
Once you’ve started “The Talk,” keep it up. Discuss one thing at a time and encourage your partner to talk about their experiences, too.
It feels overwhelming the first few times you do it, but once you get the hang of it, I promise the long-term rewards far outweigh the temporary awkwardness of talking about sex.
Kristi Carnahan is a 25-year-old anthropology senior from West Monroe. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_KCarnahan.
 
 
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Contact Kristi Carnahan at [email protected]