Newt Gingrich asked his ex-wife Marianne for an open marriage while concurrently having an affair with his current wife, Callista, according to an interview Marianne gave ABC. This isn’t a great example of a healthy or functional way to open a relationship, but it does raise questions about what constitutes monogamy.
Monogamous relationships are “the practice of marrying or state of being married to one person at a time; the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner,” according to the Oxford Dictionary.
Those tides may be changing. Though LSU and the campus community may not see a shift any time soon, if ever, there’s anecdotal evidence that monogamy is no longer as straightforward as people currently believe.
Does this mean these definitions of monogamy are wrong? No. It simply means the definitions are expanding.
One option being more openly discussed is negotiated monogamy — structuring a relationship to allow both partners freedom to explore different acts outside of the relationship.
This doesn’t mean that anyone is are allowed to start running around having sex or emotional relationships with other people without the consent of his or her partner. That’s still called cheating, and it’s still unhealthy.
It does allow room for interactions with people outside of the committed relationship without causing catastrophic relationship failure.
For many, negotiated monogamy involves things such as flirting, pornography, masturbation and strip clubs, but for some it can expand to making out or having sex — no strings attached, no emotional investment — with other people.
It’s a radical idea, but one that is picking up attention and supporters.
According to Ian Kerner, a sex counselor, blogger and author in New York City, simply talking about acts they want to do if negotiated monogamy became an option can be the catalyst to spicing up a couple’s lives — sexually and otherwise — even if the couple did not seriously entertain the notion of straying beyond their relationship.
The confined idea of “my world must revolve around my partner and his world around me” often hurts relationships more than helps them. Most people can never live up to the expectations of being someone’s “whole world,” as the saying goes.
Negotiated monogamy can take the pressure off both partners in this aspect. They no longer have to serve as the be-all-end-all for their partner.
Everyone can gain personal insights by thinking about negotiated monogamy.
What do you want in a relationship? Of those things, which are vital that you get only from your partner, and that he or she gets only from you? What are things that aren’t as important to be done exclusively with each other?
Would it be the end of the world if your partner simply flirted with another girl, if you knew he was coming home with you? Had coffee with another guy?
If your partner watches porn sometimes, or goes to the strip club once in a while, or thinks another guy is attractive, it doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship.
It’s important for you to know which issues are important enough for you to fight for to the bitter end, and which you can simply let go. But with more and more evidence of the shortcomings of traditional monogamy — like a 50-percent divorce rate — we need to rethink our traditions.
Traditions don’t mean it can never change. Traditions change on a regular basis.
Just because “that’s how it’s always been done” doesn’t mean that we can’t or shouldn’t change it to fit our needs.
Relationships aren’t cookie-cutter molds. We are all unique, and our relationships can reflect that we don’t fit one mold of monogamy. You create the possibilities by being open to them.
No one can make your relationship for you. You and your partner must make it together, creating a relationship that you can sustain happily for the years to come, whether or not that includes traditional monogamy.
Kristi Carnahan is a 25-year-old anthropology senior from West Monroe. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_KCarnahan.
 
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Contact Kristi Carnahan at [email protected]