In search of a fresh perspective to a timeworn dilemma, an acquaintance approaches and asks for relationship advice. You know only this person’s name and nothing of his or her personal life.

This friend-of-a-friend poses the following: “I’ve been in a relationship for two months now, but my partner will be moving away soon. Should we pursue a long-distance relationship?”

Difficult though it may be, you can only answer in yes-or-no fashion.

So, which is it? Should this young couple pursue a career in bridge-building or fold a bad hand? A “yes” puts a budding and fluctuating relationship on a tightrope, and “no” gives up before it starts, depending on how you look at it.

But the difference between yes and no involves far more than optimism or cynicism. It can be argued either way whether the risk of dissipation is worth the positive outcome of holding the line, but the exercise reveals our individual tendencies regarding relationships.

Truth is we’ve got things backward, and because of it, the temptation to elasticize the inelastic and prolong the finite has led to widespread amorous atrophy.

The mix-up is between what constitutes a relationship and what constitutes a connection, or love, and many of us are guilty of wagging the dog.

For instance, how does your response change if the length of the hypothetical relationship above is extended to six months? A year?

While it is admittedly impossible to generalize something as unique and personal as a relationship, changing one’s mind on the dilemma based on time exposes an innate desire for objective standards and measures.

We’d like to think time and emotional connections are interlinked seamlessly, but if you’ve ever braved the crucible of dating at a distance, you’ll surely know that such assumptions can be both deceiving and dangerous.

Because it’s much easier to do so, society tends to judge a relationship by those objective standards and measures, but given the far more formless nature of our emotional connections, we let love slide by with nary a clear definition or concept — save that most misleading “gut feeling.”

When defining or detecting a relationship, one generally looks for the tangible evidences: frequent contact, time together, money spent, no cheating, sex — or general physicality, depending on one’s disposition.

But when defining love, we are wont to regard it as the shapeless, space-filling fluid that fits the set parameters of the relationship and takes whatever the shape of its receptacle — that is, the relationship itself.

The opposite should be the case; love should be defined and catered to by the relationship, and not the other way around. If one treats it as such, miles, like age, become but a number.

Contrary to the banal, romantic mumblings of poets and playwrights everywhere, love is entirely capable of assuming a definable and detectable form — so long as the wielder is ready to accept the responsibility of adhering to the definition. 

What virtues do you find admirable in man? What merits respect? What human traits give you hope, and how do they look when applied?

Answering these questions turns love into the mold to be filled with a person and a relationship, so when dealt a bad hand, one may always rest assured that everything will be in its right place, regardless.

Circling back to our troubled friend-of-a-friend, one can now see that in asking, he or she has given himself or herself away: If you have to ask …

“The solutions all are simple — after you have arrived at them. But they’re simple only when you know already what they are.”

Modern philosopher and author of “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” Robert Pirsig said this, and a more germane prescription cannot be found for the matter at hand.

As concerns this new friend of ours, should one resign from a relationship to prevent the thorny task of upkeep or risk of failure?

Frankly put (and perhaps overly so), if you think you have other options then you likely do — and will find them whether you hold on or not. And if you have to ask, then the possibility of the relationship going the distance is either nil or yet to be realized anyway, and in neither of which case should you prevent exploring other options.

Successfully dating at a distance is possible, it simply requires discipline: the discipline to communicate, to understand, to think clearly and honestly about one’s relationships and, most importantly, the discipline to follow through with the conclusions.

Ironic though it is, the answer will always be yes when the question arises — but don’t stress yourself when it does. The solutions are only simple once we already know them, so it is necessary that we find them the hard way.