“Zack and Miri Make a Porno” joins a long list of films that marry the backstreet allure of soft pornography with the glamour of a Hollywood production.I cannot objectively define what pornography is or isn’t — and I doubt anyone can — so I rely on my ability to recognize it when I see it. But it appears most mainstream films featuring tons of sex fail because sex is their only crutch — they need to rely on the tantalizing and ultimately evanescent nature of coitus on screen to offset mediocre acting.Before director Kevin Smith made “Zack and Miri,” other auteurs had delved into films with pornographic elements in hopes of achieving wider acclaim or notoriety. Mostly these efforts did not succeed. Recent examples include Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut,” John Cameron Mitchell’s “Shortbus” and Paul Thomas Anderson’s “Boogie Nights.”These films were sensible in that they were an approximation of life. The sex scenes were not the foundation of the films, though they served to accentuate the nuances of the characters. Unfortunately, because of our ability to retain images, these scenes will be remembered long after the underlying plot is forgotten — Bernado Bertolucci’s “Last Tango in Paris” is best known for what happens to a chunk of butter. “Zack and Miri” is about two friends, Zack Brown and Miriam Linky, who live together in an apartment and are facing difficult times since they cannot pay the bills. Months of unpaid bills mean their electricity is turned off by the utility company. Following this incident, Zack and Miriam decide that the best way they could wipe their debts would be by making a pornographic film. They then invite a couple of friends and hire a cast to shoot their porno parody “Star Whores.”Following a mishap, they abort plans to film “Star Whores” and decide to take on a new project “Swallow My Cockuccino,” which is eventually shot at Zack’s coffeehouse workplace. Zack and Miri experience a change in their feelings for one another when they have sex for the first time as part of the flick.”Zack and Miri Make a Porno” is an occasionally funny film that ultimately fails failure because it relies too much on its raunchy humor to achieve a feel-good effect. It requires a leap of faith to believe in its wafer-thin characters, showcases a screenplay which has a propensity to tell without showing, and requires that the load of the film be carried by two leads exhibiting unbelievably shallow chemistry.Smith, like the currently feted Judd Apatow, apparently believes humor is the product of flinging inanities laced with a cornucopia of choice curse words. Lest it seem that the comparison between Apatow and Smith is taken too far, one of the first scenes has Zack and a co-worker face off with their Indian-American boss over a perceived racist comment. (This scene is a facsimile of one in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.”) Moreover, the characters speak about sex like kids coasting through puberty — they are titillated by the mere mention of sexual organs, though it seems they would faint if they actually beheld live genitals. There is no convincing form to most of the characters in “Zack and Miri.” We are told they both went to the same high school, though we don’t know how they started living together or how they managed to remain uninvolved with each other. We are supposed to take at face value that everyone populating this Smithian universe is either trashy, slightly loony or is obsessive about sex. What we have in essence are anonymous dolls twisting in the air as Smith pulls the strings. This anonymity is one of the only traits “Zack and Miri” shares with real porn.As Torben Grodal notes in “Love and Desire in the Cinema,” “If in the beginning of a pornographic scene, a protagonist is actually provided with an identity, it is only as a spicy teaser… In all likelihood, individual identity will disappear with the shedding of clothes.”Furthermore, the director’s reliance on words to express feeling is a monumental blemish for a film that aspires to be a romantic comedy. The reason we love romantic films like “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Love Actually,” etc., is that they make us identify with the characters through channels that exist beyond words. Instead what we have here is Zack saying “I love you” with the aplomb of a broker quoting falling stock.This is because of the miscasting of Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks in the titular roles. Both actors have become ubiquitous, so we simply do not connect with their budding relationship. In choosing its provocative title, Smith intends to whet the curiosity of his public. What he ends up showing is the limitations of applying shock without value. “Zack and Miri” is a letdown.—-Contact Freke Ette at [email protected]