In my 22 years, I have come to realize there are three universal truths. First, anything fun costs at least $8. Second, Hollywood will never find a successful vehicle for Dane Cook. And third, fads have a maximum lifespan of four years.In light of this understanding, I’ve been able to reconcile many things. For example, why they keep upping movie ticket prices, why “My Best Friend’s Girl” bombed at the box office and why you’d be hard-pressed to find a movie about pirates this year.Pirates are out. Vampires are in.You’ve got to hand it to pirates. They had a good run. With enigmatic Captain Jack Sparrow at the helm, pirates were able to inspire such varied outlets as porn and “Veggie Tales.” They also accounted for 93 percent of all Halloween costumes for the past four years.But it’s time for them to make way for the next big blood-sucking thing.Vampires are so hot right now.From HBO’s “True Blood” to tween sensation “Twilight” to parodies on “South Park,” vampires are at the icy non-beating heart of pop culture.As part of my research, I attended the midnight premiere of the new “Twilight” film. Based on the novels by Stephenie Meyer, the story of human Bella Swan and her forbidden love for vampire Edward Cullen has created a mass hysteria to rival Harry Potter fanaticism.The theater — jam packed with teenage girls — erupted into girlish screams of delight when Cullen first made his appearance on screen. I think I missed about 47 percent of the dialogue due to the hyperventilation going on around me.That’s just part of the experience though.The world has had an obsession with vampires ever since Bram Stoker first put pen to paper and etched out what would be the founding father of modern romantic vampire literature — “Dracula.”Ever since, women have been crazy for an undead, slightly evil, romantic anti-hero of their own. No one exemplifies this standard better than Edward Cullen, the fantasy of women of all ages.Vampires are on a rotating cycle. They become en vogue at least once a decade. Last time it was because of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise in Anne Rice’s “Interview with the Vampire.” It was only a matter of time before it started up again.But this time, the fans are younger and even more rabid for their vampire fix.I hadn’t heard of “Twilight” until the end of last semester. We discussed the books in my adolescent fiction class, and I have to admit I was intrigued.I’ve always been a fan of vampires, so it was only natural when I picked up “Twilight.”First-time author Meyer is not a great writer. She’s not even a great story-teller like the incomparable J.K. Rowling. Her dialogue is clunky and the pace is often slow. So what is it about these books that drives teenage girls to the brink of insanity?Well, it’s forbidden love, of course — star-crossed lovers, a tale as old as time, the idea that something so perfect could happen to someone so ordinary.If you actually read the books, Edward is hardly perfect. He’s a total creeper, peeking in Bella’s house while she sleeps. He’s also the most controlling boyfriend a girl could ever have. Bella’s dependence on him has brought criticism from women’s groups who think Meyer’s portrayal of teen love tells young girls all they can hope for in life is to find a man.They’re probably right. But at age 13 the idea of a boyfriend is all-consuming. Meyer chose her audience well.But a younger audience is also dangerous. They’re more inclined to dress up like their favorite characters and roam the streets trying to look cool and disaffected in their Hot Topic gear.What’s more dangerous: someone who thinks they’re a pirate or someone who thinks they’re a vampire?Pirates are comical — vampires drink blood.If I was trapped in a dark alley with a pirate, I think we’d have a laugh and head off for a bucket o’ grog. If I was trapped in a dark alley with a kid dressed in black who honestly thought they were going to eat me, I might be a little weirded out.But it looks like the vampire fad is here for its four year run. HBO renewed “True Blood” for a second season and Summit Entertainment announced they are launching the second film in the “Twilight” series, “New Moon,” in 2010.So if I smell faintly of garlic and seem overwhelmed by crucifix necklaces for the next few years, it’s because I’m waiting for the pirate comeback.I’ll be damned if I’m getting taken down by a 13-year-old emo kid in a Hot Topic t-shirt chomping on Count Chocula.—-Contact Caitlyn Scott at [email protected]