During the past week, in addition to spending a lot of time fantasizing about the Bat Girls, I have done some serious thinking about superheroes in general.Now, setting aside that he receives his powers from a yellow sun, leaps tall buildings in a single bound and uses his powers for good, I have discovered the most unbelievable aspect of Superman.His alter-ego Clark Kent is a reporter.And a supposedly good one at that. You know what good reporters spend their time doing? Because it sure as hell isn’t saving Metropolis. Good reporters research, interview, write and re-write stories.This career is totally implausible. Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy: check. Peter Parker, freelance photographer: check. Clark Kent, staff member in a high-tension, deadline-driven workplace: … try again.You see, Clark Kent has his own workspace — more often than not, an implausibly large office — and, ostensibly, shows up to work every day. He’s employed in a salaried position and is, in all likelihood, expected to produce at least one article per day. And with The Daily Planet supposedly an internationally acclaimed news organization, you can be sure its editors don’t accept late or shoddy work.In between going beastmode on Lex Luthor, slipping it to Lois Lane and getting his ass kicked by Doomsday, where does he find the time?A good newsroom will be filled with intelligent, detail-attentive, alert and attractive people.
How many of those does it take to realize that Clark Kent is never around when Superman appears? How many does it take to notice that they look exactly alike, save for the clothing and a pair of glasses? I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but for the past few years the newspaper industry has been in serious trouble. Would you like to guess who is the first person to get cut? The klutzy, mild-mannered staff writer who periodically disappears without reason.But there is hope. Throughout the history of Superman (as with most comics), there have been countless revisions to the story line. In one of the more recent versions, The Daily Globe is bought by none other than Bruce Wayne.And if there’s anybody who won’t tolerate slack-ass, truant employees, it’s Batman.—-Contact Daniel McBride at [email protected]