In the modern college classroom, there are numerous ways to avoid paying attention to one’s professor. While it is the official position of this column that The Daily Reveille is the only true diversion, the laptop is definitely a more versatile one. If you happen to be one of the many who uses laptops in class, there are two little words that can determine your success: alt-tab.
Alt-tab is the nifty Windows key combination that allows you to fearlessly switch from your lecture notes so you may check sports scores, read the news, shop for shoes, book a flight, read your horoscope, play Texas Hold ’em or perform dozens of other seemingly imperative tasks while in class.
There is no comparable key combination that works decently for Macs, so if you are an Apple owner, you are at a disadvantage. But then again, if you own a Mac, you knew that anyway.
Alt-tab is invaluable for its quickness and its stealth. In less than half a second, you can go from instant messaging your roommate to your notes on the characteristics of a Greek tragedy. Your fingers never leave the keyboard, and other than the two dozen people sitting behind you, no one will ever know that instead of writing about Sophocles, you are recounting last night at Fred’s.
I don’t care if you choose to blog about your personal travails during your Introduction to Psychology class. I am a big fan of multitasking, and if you can learn about child development and customize your MySpace page at the same time, go for it. For instance, in addition to writing this column, I am also making waffles, watching “Mythbusters” and crafting a paragraph about Polynesians in a Melville novel. And though I might get caught up in the mile-a-minute excitement of multitasking, I don’t define myself by how much I can accomplish simultaneously. Rather, I define myself by how long I can keep the waffle batter off the keyboard.
If you do plan on multitasking during class, the rest of this column is devoted to dispensing some free advice to help get you through your next lecture and avoid the ill will of your professor and classmates.
1. Learn how to use your computer. I cannot begin to stress this enough. On more than one occasion, I have watched some arguably impaired individual browse ESPN.com to check the latest football articles. What these young men did not realize was that despite the fact that most of ESPN.com’s traffic comes from guys illicitly browsing during work, ESPN likes to embed videos, complete with sound, on its Web site. Unfortunately for these hapless students, they had no idea where the volume controls on their computers were. In my 130-plus hours of college courses, these moments are still some of the more memorable.
2. Master alt-tab. Under pressure, your touchpad skills can fail you, but alt-tab will never let you down.
3. If you decide that you need to buy a laptop so that you too can “take notes,” buy a laptop suitable for the circa-1970s desks they will be sitting on. A 17-inch widescreen “desktop replacement” will not only be hard to fit in your backpack, but it will also tick off the person sitting next to you when your behemoth spans several desks.
4. Microsoft OneNote, available free to students on TigerWare, is a software application that allows you to type your notes on lined paper and separates your classes with tabbed “dividers.” If you ever have a hankering to turn your $1,500 computer into a three-ring binder, this is the way to go.
5. Even though the only thing your professor can see is the warm glow of your computer screen reflecting off your face, your privacy isn’t entirely assured. If you are writing something mildly scandalous on the wall of your dearest Facebook friend, there are probably four or five people behind you who will find it a lot more interesting than what the professor is saying.
What I have laid out herein is the compilation of personal experience gained from four years of observing others avoid higher education.
Other universities have discussed ways of limiting these multitasking distractions, but short of an outright ban on laptops by your professor, for the foreseeable future you will still be able to divert yourself freely from paying attention, taking notes and those other arcane activities of academia. And as long as you don’t distract those crazy individuals who come to class to learn, you have my blessing.
So, my friends, go forth and multitask. And if you happen to find a way to get waffle batter off a keyboard, let me know.
 
Bryan is a civil engineering senior. Contact him at [email protected]