Since it’s against The Daily Reveille’s policy for me to date any of my employees, my Valentine’s Day date involved just me. But even if my date was a little more “table for one” than “romantic dinner for two,” I still made the most of it.
Single people have a plethora of options this time of year, but of course most of these do not involve public places because the sight of seeing lovers canoodle over noodles can prove to be quite painful.
There’s the classic option of a bag of Cheetos, box of Kleenex and down comforter, but I live life dangerously. So for me the best bet was to spend the holiday in the least romantic place I can fathom.
For me it was Plucker’s Wing Factory.
Plucker’s offers a variety of food that should most likely not be eaten in front of the opposite sex. It’s been the scene of various crimes of bad judgment in my past, and no self-respecting man should ever attempt to bring a lady there for romantic purposes – ever. It is, however, the perfect place to gorge on fried meats and carbs and watch multiple televisions at once.
A plate of wings and several fishbowls of beer later, the memory of Cupid’s arrows and chalky candy hearts were more distant, and I felt full and feisty.
The second tier of my date involved catching up with old friends. Some people call this drunk dialing; I call it reaching out to touch someone. Using a pay phone keeps the lines of communication more open, excluding such pesky blockades as Caller ID.
The exact script of these phone calls varies based upon the situation. Conversation topics can drift from such fun areas as “Why did you leave me?” to “Where are you right now?”
Singles who are hoping to avoid tier two might also consider placing their phone in a lockbox or the secure hands of a friend. It’s also useful to make sure this friend is not easily swayed and cares more for the self-pride of the phone owner than the humor of listening to how a rambling phone call may turn out.
The third tier of the date involves pontificating on life’s higher planes, the necessity of men and inherent problems with oneself. This part could be accompanied by a return to Plucker’s to dine again.
While Valentine’s Day can leave many singles dreading its coming more than the Apocalypse, it’s not all fire and brimstone. The holiday can offer a great time to eat and drink in excess, watch bad movies and berate former flames behind their back. Even if this holiday comes before the arrival of a significant other, it’s still better than being in a dead-end relationship. Right?
 
Contact Kim Moreau at [email protected]