As the token fat, café-au-lait opinion columnist, I feel compelled to call on all races and ethnicities to join together this Thanksgiving holiday to continue a tradition that distinguishes Louisiana from the rest of the states in our nation. Louisiana, it’s time to pig out. We’ve lost a step or two — while gaining the capability of another step or two    — in asserting ourselves as the fat capital of the country. The Daily Reveille reported this past September on a disturbing new study which divulges just how lazy we’ve become as a state. We’re the eighth fattest state in the country, with an adult obesity rate of 28.9 percent, according to the Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation’s July 2009 report titled “F as in Fat: How Obesity Policies Are Failing in America 2009.” Like many Louisianians I know, my first reaction to this news was: Howthewhatwho?!? We’re eighth? What the hell happened? Why is this happening to us? Is there no God? Well, not really, but that’s beside the point. We’re second to last in almost every statistical category about wellness, income, education and the like — thank whomever you want for Mississippi. When did people in Louisiana start eating healthier? There’s a word for these people. Quitters. In fact, from now on, “you people” no longer refers to black people or the race card. If you see someone eating a salad at Wendy’s, feel free to berate them while calling them “you people.” I was gung-ho about healthy eating after I wrote about Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden on the lawn of the White House. I cited the problems with 24-hour drive thrus, where one could conceivably get 30 tacos at four in the morning. I felt embarrassed to be associated with a culture that values butter over better eating habits. After this heart-rupturing news, my heart couldn’t seem to function properly without a Mega Shrimp Burger from Roul’s Deli, stat. When the rage finally subsided, my stomach filled with cheesy deliciousness, I began thinking rationally about what this situation means for the future of Cajun cuisine. Most of our delicacies have something to do with either butter, lard or some fatty meat. After all, there’s much more than just vegetables in a muffaletta. We don’t even have food groups here. We have groups of food. Red beans and rice with andouille sausage isn’t just tasty, it’s mandatory on Mondays.  We make up dishes to come up with a reason to eat animals we probably shouldn’t eat. Have you ever had nutria gumbo, or did I just blow your mind? Turkey Day will provide our state with a chance at redemption. Besides being the only holiday where you can go to jail for not having leftovers (part of the stimulus), Thanksgiving reminds us of the joys of family coming together to argue about who made the best stuffing, in addition to mandating at least three different kinds of pie.  Then, there’s turducken. Other states think we’re crazy for it. But does anything say “Turkey Day” for Louisianians more than shoving three boneless birds into each other around a core of stuffing? It doesn’t stop with turducken. We’ve taken it miles further, bringing on the behemoth known as the osturducken. Yes, you guessed it, it’s a turducken inside an ostrich. Once again, mind blown? If Louisiana and its collective digestive system ever wants to regain its prominence and girth as a legitimate national force, our eating habits must reverse their downward trend, with exercise being shunned for at least the rest of the year. This idea should directly appeal to Gov. Bobby Jindal. After all, he wrote a paper detailing an exorcism he witnessed while in college. What better spokesman for exorcising the recently healthier eating habits of his constituents? Of course, this would imply he has a vested interest in the best wishes of his state.  Have fun, eat your hearts out, and remember: when other states say no, Louisiana emphatically says yes. Please sir, we’d love some more.Eric Freeman Jr. is a 22-year-old political science senior from New Orleans. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_efreeman.____Contact [email protected]