Have you lied today? Marvin hasn’t – yet. That’s because it’s 6:00 a.m. on a Friday and he’s still asleep. Just one more day of classes, then he kicks off the weekend at the bar.Too bad Marvin overslept – that’s when the lies began. Watch his day unfold as he stretches the truth to himself and those around him, just like many other students do every day:1. “Sorry I’m late, professor. My alarm messed up and didn’t go off.”Usually meaning, “I’m an idiot and either didn’t set it right, or I just hit snooze too many times.”That night, Marvin made his way to the bar, where he was on the prowl for a single lady. Marv was, of course, drunk by the time he found one.”Hey, I’m Marvin, what’s your name?” Even though she answered, five minutes later, Marvin would ask, “What’s your name again?”2. “Sorry, I’m really bad with names,” he continued.Usually meaning, “I’m a jerk and didn’t actually take the two seconds to commit your name to memory. I just shook your hand on autopilot.”Lucky for Marv, the girl was drunk, too. He already forgot her name again. The two found a table on the bar patio and got acquainted. Here are some highlights from the sloppy banter that followed:3. “What kind of music do I like? Everything!”Except for country, jazz, electronic, rap and ethnic music? I can understand the “country and rap” exception, because people seem to often hate one of the two, but every single person I’ve asked has answered “everything.” That can’t be right.After the insincere dialogue dissolved, the conversation devolved to the gossip stage, a quick remedy for awkward silence.4. “Here comes my friend Sharon. She’s so bipolar.”Usually meaning, “Some days she’s not as happy as others.” Again, the “usually” qualifier means, like all these misnomers, there are exceptions. There truly are manic, bi-polar people out there, but a simple mood swing isn’t a surefire sign of the disorder.Sharon approaches the table, eager to share her frustration. She picks up where the others left off:”You know Ashley, the black girl from work?”5. “I love her to death, but…”Followed by an unloving remark. Followed by:6. “I mean no offense to her, but (racist comment).” These two classic remarks attempt to preface what are otherwise hateful remarks. If you catch yourself starting a sentence with these clauses, realize you’re about to undo their meaning unless you stop talking immediately.Sharon realized her gaffe and went into “damage control” mode:7. “I’m not racist – I have black friends.”Not much use detailing the illogic of this one, except to note similarly, Ted Bundy was not a serial killer because he had living friends.Marv and his new girlfriend, whatever her name, had stopped listening to Sharon long ago. Marv went to the bar for another round of drinks. When he got back, his girlfriend was gone. Later that night, Marv punched a hole in the bathroom wall. “Dude,” his friend slurred, “Why did you DO that?”8. “That’s just me, man. That’s what I do.”Problem is you wind up “doing it” because you say you do it, not the other way around. It leads to stagnation. You’ll never improve if you only aim for your own low quotas. With that, Marv stumbled home empty-handed. He doesn’t even own an alarm clock. Even if he did, he’d have said a dozen more lies before it “messed up” again.Jack Johnson is a 23-year-old mass communication junior from Fort Worth, Texas. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_jjohnson.
 
 
 
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