The ideal of unconditional love calls to mind parents coursing with oxytocin and other feel-good hormones cooing over their newborn offspring, ready to sacrifice anything for their genetic extension to the next generation.By definition, unconditional love is given without regard for another’s actions, feelings or beliefs. It’s a sweet sentiment, but it might be a sentimental product of imagination.Earlier this year, researchers at Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital studied the reactions of men and women when they look at the faces of babies.Men were harsher in their ratings of beauty, but women were much quicker to dismiss pictures of babies with cleft palates, skin disorders and Down syndrome.The paper’s first author, Rinah Yamamoto, isn’t shy about his study’s implications. “Women may be more sensitized to aesthetic defects and may be more prone to reject unattractive kids,” he said.The idea of parental love being dependent on beauty might sound harsh, but this effect can be seen in the world.Almost 70 percent of abandoned children carry a superficial flaw, according to an Israeli study quoted in the book “Conditional Love” by Meira Weiss.In other words, many parents will feel unconditional love for their children — as long as they aren’t ugly.Yamamoto concludes by speculating this “may reflect an evolutionary-derived need for diversion of limited resources to the nurturance of healthy offspring.”But even if unconditional love is feasible, I have a hard time believing it’s desirable. Love guaranteed is love without standards, values or reason.You may have a significant other you value highly. You may even believe you love him or her unconditionally.But, ladies, if your man failed out of school, was fired from his job and let a growing beer belly fester on the couch in a listless, unambitious stupor, you would eventually stop loving him.And men, if your woman grew fat, nagging and insecure, you would eventually leave her out of sheer self-respect.Would you still love your significant other if he or she turned into a prawn?I hope you and your partner didn’t start your relationship on chance and continue through a compulsive duty to love unconditionally.I hope you chose to be with your lover because he or she practices virtues you admire, and he or she chooses to stay with you because you are worthy of love.Real love is a celebration of lives well-lived — to call it “unconditional” cheapens it to a chore.We should be saddened to hear of children abandoned and abused because they didn’t match their parents’ ideals, but these tragedies will exist no matter what you think of unconditional love, so you might as well be realistic.Psychologically, we aren’t programmed to feel love without conditions. Logically, we must choose between loving unconditionally and having standards of behavior. You should reject the concept of “unconditional love” as an impossibly high, self-degrading burden.In a world without unconditional love, you must earn the respect of others, but, thankfully, others must earn the respect you are not obligated to give. We can be grateful science has shattered the delusion.And we can look with skepticism upon those who claim unconditional love is a virtue. Only a counterfeiter is nervous when the validity of his currency is questioned. Only those with something to hide would fear if their alleged love is subjected to standards.We never chose our country, our culture or our religion. We were born into tribes most never leave.We shouldn’t be surprised citizens are encouraged to have unquestioning patriotism for their country, the devout are encouraged to have unquestioning faith in their beliefs, and parents and children are encouraged to have unconditional love for one another.All of these relationships aren’t of choice — but of chance.Perhaps part of growing up is subjecting our country, culture and religion to rational questioning.If unconditional love is a lie, perhaps we should next subject our parents to the same conditional standards we hold our friends.Who knows? They might even be worth keeping.Daniel Morgan is a 21-year-old economics senior from Baton Rouge. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_dmorgan.
 
 
 
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