Fans of NBC’s ‘The Office’ witnessed one of Michael Scott’s greatest blunders in last season’s episode ‘Scott’s Tots.’ In the episode, Scott – the show’s lovably idiotic boss with an uncanny Joe Biden-like propensity for epic gaffes – is forced to come clean and tell a group of inner-city high school students he can’t fulfill his decade-old pledge to pay their way through college as a part of his ‘Scott’s Tots’ charity. This saga is just one example of the absolutely gut-wrenching Michael Scott moments fans love. But as it turns out, this fictional plot might not be so far-fetched. President Barack Obama outlined his own ‘Scott’s Tots’ program in last week’s State of the Union. College graduates ‘will be required to pay only 10 percent of their income on student loans, and all of their debt will be forgiven after 20 years – and forgiven after 10 years if they choose a career in public service,’ according to the president’s proposal. He also proposed a ‘$10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increased Pell Grants.’ Obama and Scott are evidently two peas in a pod. Both are masterful salesman, inspiring orators and completely incompetent managers. But Scott’s job is to sell paper. Obama’s job is to sell his soul for political support. As former economist Henry Hazlitt asserted, the art of economics consists in looking not merely at the immediate effects of a particular policy but at the long-term consequences for all groups. Helping graduates pay off their student loans might sound pleasing to the untrained ear. But from a financial standpoint, our president is essentially bribing college students by throwing future taxpaying generations under the bus. The real implications of this neatly packaged kickback are quite easy to unwrap. By subsidizing student debt, government initiatives will pump up the demand for higher education. This stimulated demand will further inflate tuitions, diverting taxpayer dollars from more productive uses – like starting businesses and creating much-needed jobs for today’s graduates – and squandering them on increasingly devalued pieces of paper (diplomas). Thanks to this vicious cycle of government intervention, public grants actually make attaining quality jobs – the whole point of going to college – less likely. The president’s heart might be in the right place. But good intentions don’t create jobs, feed families or reduce deficits. As students of a state-funded university, we’re all proud recipients of a ‘public’ education. As U.S. citizens, we’re unfortunately also the not-so-proud recipients of a shattered economy, a $1.5 trillion deficit and $12.4 trillion debt, according to usdebtclock.org Mom and Dad were right. Always be sure to read the fine print whenever a slick-talking salesman makes you an unbelievably enticing offer. Upon closer examination, Obama’s sales pitch is: ‘Give me your support, and I’ll give you a measly couple thousand dollars in exchange for your (compulsory) help in paying off my ever-increasing $107 trillion unfunded liabilities.’ Metaphorically speaking, pimp daddy Obama is trying to seduce college students into working as his own financial sex slaves. Is a few thousand dollars in student loans really worth the $347,500 every taxpaying American will be forced to pay sugar daddy Obama? Hells no. Praising politicians for a small financial kickback is like thanking the class bully for offering you a few crumbs out of the sack lunch he just stole from you. When Michael Scott makes a ridiculous pledge – like ‘Scott’s Tots,’ – we laugh and/or cringe. When our president gives almost the same embarrassing proposal, we applaud him. This irony would be comical if it weren’t so pathetic. Some students may like the idea of being slapped around as Obama’s ‘bottom bitch.’ But personally, if any man is going take me from behind, screw me over and then make me thank him for the ‘favor.’ I want it to be a real pimp like Michael Scott. That’s what she said. Scott Burns is a 20-year-old economics junior from Baton Rouge. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_sburns. —– Contact Scott Burns at [email protected]