With budget cuts threatening the future of the University, every department seems to be scrambling to find funding in an effort to keep professors and instructors employed.
The cuts will prove devastating to both teachers and students alike if money can’t be found to alleviate the lack of finance the University is experiencing.
But during this turmoil, an obvious solution has been overlooked.
Professional sports teams have it. Actors have it. Even Justin Bieber has it.
The answer: sponsorships.
Millions of dollars in aid would surge its way into the University if only some large corporations or wealthy individuals would find it in their hearts to fund some of the many programs the University offers.
But who should undertake such a righteous cause?
How about some organizations involved in scandal and crisis in recent years who could use positive action to help their images?
Let’s start by going back to the 2008 financial bailout. An easy contender would be AIG, who received $85 billion in taxpayers’ money.
How about they give us our money back by funding our business school?
Few would probably argue if AIG and E.J. Ourso combined forces to form the “AIG E.J. Ourso College of Business.”
Another bailout buddy of AIG, Citigroup, could provide funding for the accounting and finance professors and instructors.
With business taken care of, the Manship School of Mass Communication could look to Apple for some extra dinero.
In September, Apple CEO Steve Jobs addressed a college student who asked why Apple’s media relations department won’t answer e-mails by telling her to go away.
While he may lack people skills, I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard for him make sure our graduates are dealt with by funding Manship’s public relations major and renaming the Manship to the “iMassComm College.”
One universal business, The Catholic Church, could donate some of its hard-earned donated money to the College of Education to fund professors who teach elementary education.
This kills two birds with one stone — indirectly touching the lives of children and providing jobs.
Moving into sports, Brett Favre can also “sext” over some love to the University.
But not to the Athletics Department because they already have enough money.
Brett could reinvigorate the flaccid image of his fleshy pylon and his reputation by sponsoring the Department of Kinesiology.
Besides, he’ll be glad he has some suitable personal trainers from the new Brett Favre Department of Kinesiology to help him off the field when he breaks a hip in five years.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger could even pretend he respects women and pay to create the “Big Ben Department of Women’s and Gender Studies.”
A New Orleans favorite, FEMA, could flood the University’s Disaster Science and Management Program with some cash.
Preventing the quality of education offered in this department from suffering could easily lead to the quality of FEMA’s future disaster responses.
And to top off the sponsorships, the University could look to the company responsible for the biggest man-made disaster in recent history — BP.
Cleaning up oil for the next 20 years may never clean up the reputation BP has earned itself.
But investing in a noble cause — the rescue of higher education — could possibly speed up its image recovery.
Because BP has taken such a large toll on the region, the oil company would be an obvious candidate for the biggest sponsorship contributor.
As fellow columnist Cody Worsham put it, the University could be home to the “British Petroleum School of the Coast and the Environment.”
BP could also leak money into the College of Engineering to teach students how not to let massive oil rigs explode.
And if BP really wanted to get generous, the corporation could simply fund the entire University.
As English professor Lisi Oliver said, the University could be called the “Louisiana State British Petroleum University.”
With cuts ready to unleash their fury upon the University, colleges and departments alike should be looking to sponsorship as a source of funding.
Looking to the Legislature has proven ineffective. We need to look to creative sources of funding.
Who’s more creative than Steve Jobs, Brett Favre, Ben Roethlisberger and Tony Hayward?
The University already has the Exxon Quadrangle in front of the Hill Memorial Library, so why haven’t we looked into more sponsorships?
Sponsorships from some of the best and brightest corporations around the world would easily alleviate much of the cuts and allow departments to remain intact — and give our colleges some cooler names.
Chris Grillot is a 19-year-old mass communication and English major from New Orleans. Follow him on Twitter @TDR_Cgrillot.
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Contact Chris Grillot at [email protected]