My college experience has been riddled with a lot of interesting and highly unexpected social situations so far, including learning Zoom etiquette, maintaining friendships across long distances and, perhaps most harrowingly, being subjected to the immense pressures of love and dating.
The practice of dating in college strikes me as more of a strange social institution than something people approach organically or with the best intentions for themselves.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not condemning college dating by any means. Being single has never felt more confusing than it does now, as we spend most of our time at home backgrounded by the “new normal.”
The appeal of a relationship obviously stands very strong, but I feel like an attitude of need has developed more so than one of want or desire.
The sometimes overwhelming pressure to find “the one” has been heightened in a time when it seems we should be cutting ourselves a lot more slack as far as romance is concerned.
So why does it feel like we’re obligated to settle down now more than ever?
I feel like a lot of this push has stemmed from a collective pandemic-driven loneliness. The uncertainty in all of our lives and the burden of feeling alone has contributed to somewhat of a panic on the dating scene.
Despite all social distancing odds, the use of dating apps has skyrocketed since the onset of the pandemic and people are entering serious relationships at increasingly frequent rates.
And when it seems as though everyone around you is successfully forming meaningful relationships, the pressure to find someone for yourself can start to seem nothing less than daunting.
Not only is there the internalized pressure to be with someone as an antidote to loneliness; the external eyes looking in on your love life can start to feel like an even more overbearing weight.
I’ve personally felt so much stress to “fit in” when it comes to finding a significant other that it almost cheapens the entire dating experience. It’s grown to seem like such a priority for people my age that I honestly feel like I’m doing something wrong by being single.
This is admittedly an extremely toxic mindset and unhealthy worldview. In the supposed prime of our lives, we shouldn’t have to feel so obligated to find someone to make ourselves feel whole.
There’s a clear distinction between healthy relationships and the kind of relationships that arise from this misguided outlook. Still, I see the societal pressure to be with someone as directly feeding into the idea that we need to be with someone else to be valid or even loved.
I’ll be the first to admit that I admire and envy the cute relationship posts that I see on my social media feeds, but I think the heavy emphasis on dating culture and its unexpected rise during the pandemic is more harmful to young people than it is healthy.
Considering COVID-19 has proven detrimental to public mental health in the United States, I don’t think it’s too bold to say we should probably step away from intensely focusing on finding someone else to complete us. Instead, we should focus on finding company first and foremost within ourselves.
I know the idea of “dating yourself” is such a cheesy self-love trope, but I think it’s something a lot of us have been neglecting to think about, especially throughout the past year.
I don’t see how we can possibly expect to find happiness with someone else if we don’t have it within ourselves to begin with.
After all, it was the wise RuPaul Charles who famously and eloquently raised the question, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
Words to live by.
Emily Davison is a 19-year-old anthropology and English sophomore from Denham Springs.