The first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament.
The time when feelings go from elation over your bracket to depression to hatred of college basketball and all those major programs you picked that you swore would make it to the Sweet 16 (thanks, Pittsburgh, Texas and Syracuse).
And that’s just the first weekend.
You know, it’s called March Madness for a reason other than the madness that occurs on the courts.
People literally go insane over their brackets. It’s a proven fact.
Every year, approximately 42,540 people turn clinically insane during the tournament, according to the well-known website, fakestats.com. The disease is called PTSD, or Post Traumatic Suck Disorder.
This happens when your bracket turns to absolute rubbish. That is, if you filled out only one bracket, as you are supposed to do.
If you filled out 10 on ESPN.com, well then I’m sure you’re clinging to that one where you had Morehead State beating Louisville (congrats on that stab in the dark).
But for those who have or are currently going insane, just remember the five stages of grief.
These may help you either diagnose your friends or help you return to sanity.
1. DENIAL
The first stage of grief comes when you lose one or two Elite 8 teams in the first round.
You say to yourself, “This can’t be happening to me. St. John’s was that sleeper team I had getting through.”
You can’t believe this would happen. Your bracket looked so great heading into that first day. Now, it’s already imploding. The impossible that you thought could finally be possible — picking the perfect bracket — is down the drain, and it’s only 5 p.m. on the first day.
 
2. ANGER
This is where the chair throwing starts. “Why me? It’s not fair,” you say out loud in your drunken St. Patrick’s Day rage when Wisconsin whoops up on Belmont, the Cinderella team you had in the Sweet 16.
Not that I would know about anything like that.
 
3. BARGAINING
“Just keep my champion alive. Don’t let Kansas lose, and I’ll start going to church again.”
These are common words spoken by a true PTSD patient (and a gambler). You’ve realized that the $50 you put on your bracket is going to turn into a sizable donation to your friend, or maybe even a stranger, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Your only hope: your champion.
But sometimes, you have to just let it go. It’s already over. And then depression hits like the buzzer beater that sunk Penn State (damn you on so many different levels, Temple).
 
4. DEPRESSION
You have already ripped your bracket in half. Your champion bowed out in the second round, late Sunday night (sorry to those of you who picked Notre Dame, whose streak of futility in the tournament has reached a record-high 32 tournament appearances without a championship).
“Why bother ever filling out this bracket again? I’m never picking Texas or Pitt to win anything anymore.”
You or your friend with PTSD may become silent, refusing to see anyone and start to spend a lot of time sobbing, “How do you get a backcourt violation on an inbound pass in college basketball, Syracuse? And Texas, how do you fail to get an inbound pass in? It’s called a timeout, use it.”
Just grieve. It’s the best way to cope.
 
5. ACCEPTANCE
This is where you finally say, “Everything is going to be OK. I’ve still got a few teams left in it, so maybe there’s a chance. I’ll get that money back.”
Once you get that acceptance, then it’s all downhill from there. After all, this is only the first weekend. There’s still plenty of time to lose a few more Final Four teams starting Thursday.
Then it starts all over again.
Welcome to March Madness, my fellows with PTSD. We still have a long ride ahead of us.
 
Andy Schwehm is a 21-year-old English and psychology senior from New Orleans. You can follow him on Twitter @TDR_ASchwehm.
 
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Contact Andy Schwehm at
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