No matter how you look at it, Valentine’s Day is a cliche.
Even saying Valentine’s Day is a cliche feels like a cliche.
This column could go one of two ways: I could rip apart the holiday and boast my infinite hatred of red hearts, pink balloons and all things fluffy (especially those in the shape of animals). I could bitch about phrases like, “Do you like me?” “Will you be my girlfriend?” and anything else that brings about the disgustingly uncomfortable feelings Feb. 14 usually inspires.
Or, I could defend Valentine’s Day — How could anyone hate something that celebrates love? — and say people really don’t give the holiday enough credit. I could suggest sweet things to do for your significant other and not-so-unpleasant things to do for people who don’t happen to have a special someone in their lives.
However, I figured either of those routes will make me feel like I’m partaking in some form of cliched writing about the holiday, so I’ve chosen to make this column a combination of the two.
So basically, I’m going to write about what to do and intermittently hate on Valentine’s Day.
I initially jumped on the opportunity to write this column because I thought it would be easy, but the more I thought about it, the more the anxiety built up in my stomach for several reasons.
For one, who likes Valentines Day? Also, I’m afraid of losing all “coolness” credibility with my friends. I mean, who really writes anything worth reading about Valentine’s Day? No one.
Obviously, I’m still freaking out.
Anyway, on to the survival guide I was going for when I started writing this thing.
I’ll begin by suggesting things to do for your significant other without breaking bank.
Look, gentlemen, we ladies are not asking for diamonds. We’re not looking for that hideous, sparkling butterfly pendant the cheese-ball jewelry commercials are telling you to buy us.
We want something from you. Something that shows you love us without making us freak out because it’s more than we expected (or too hideous to wear in public).
Think small. Think cheap. Think — drumroll, please — homemade.
Consider the stuff your mom used to love when you were a kid, like a bundle of field flowers or a little note you wrote to her on construction paper. That stuff kills ladies, too.
Last V-Day, my friend was trying to figure out something to do for his girlfriend, so I suggested he buy her a rose, hand-make a card and write something like, “Sarah, you make me happier than I’ve ever been before. I love you.”
Boom. When she read it, she cried. And, you don’t even have to mean it. Of course you were happier when LSU won the Cotton Bowl.
The point is, she’s happy, and you successfully survived Valentine’s Day.
And, if she doesn’t like simplicity and totally pitches a fit about just getting one flower and a stupid card, well, my friend, I wish you good luck in the future, because you’ve seen what you’re in for.
For all you love-locked ladies out there, I’m going to suggest the same thing. Keep it small.
The fantastic thing about being a girl on Valentine’s Day is that you can’t ever underdo it. But, keep in mind, that you can definitely overdo it — think Drew Barrymore in “Never Been Kissed.”
Although it’s completely acceptable for us to do absolutely nothing but wait for our significant others to drop by with their gifts and tricks, in my personal opinion, boys need a little love, too. So, buy his favorite cookies, takeout food, whatever, and write him a note saying you’re glad you met or “Happy Valentine’s Day” for the added effect of a two-part effort.
It’s not that difficult to show you care, and food is pretty much a guaranteed winner — although handcuffs and blindfolds might run a close race with sustenance. I won’t go there.
And, for everyone else, all you single minglers out there on the prowl — Valentine’s Day is your playground.
Ladies, buy some wine and cook at home with your friends, go thrifting, re-read Harry Potter, study for a test or get your party on. You’re single. You can do whatever you want.
You’ve got no boyfriend to make jealous, no worries about anyone but yourself.
I don’t see what the problem is with being able to be completely and totally selfish all the time. Personally, I think it’s awesome. But that’s just me.
Men, think bar time with your friends. Whether you’re Tigerlanding it up or taking it easy downtown, you should be rejoicing you didn’t have to spend a dime or write a stupid card to prove to anyone that you really do like her (or deal with the aftermath of a disastrous, nonexistent gift exchange).
I’m pretty sure there will be plenty of love-hungry ladies waiting for you to sweep them off their (not-so-sturdy) feet and effortlessly swoon them with your beer-tinged words.
 
 
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Contact Cathryn Core at [email protected]