How do you pick?
How do you make a distinction between two seemingly identical and damn near perfect football teams?
It’s like asking me to choose between Emma Watson and Rachel McAdams.
Neither side has a flaw. You could argue for either side and be right.
This, clearly, is the brilliant approach I took in trying to figure out who the hell is going to come out on top Saturday in Tuscaloosa, Ala.
This game has been at the forefront of everyone’s mind for weeks, flooding message boards, hogging TV time and haunting dreams.
After envisioning just about every scenario possible over the past weeks, here’s how the game will unfold:
LSU will win the coin flip (shocker) and defer to the second half.
Don’t worry about getting to the stadium on time, because the first quarter will be uneventful.
You’ll hear Trent Richardson’s and Spencer Ware’s names called repeatedly as both sides attempt to establish the run early.
A first down here or there (followed by a maddening Alabama cheer that will make you question why you dropped $400 for a seat when you could be in the silence of your own home for free) will be to no avail for either side.
This is where X-factor No. 1 comes into play — the Aussome Aussie punter, Brad Wing.
Wing averages a whopping 44.4 yards per punt and has dropped 15-of-31 inside the 20-yard line.
Alabama punter Cody Mandell averages 39 yards per punt and has only put 7-of-27 inside the 20.
Wing’s foot has won the field-position battle for the Tigers all season and will continue to do so Saturday.
LSU, which has trailed for just six minutes and 33 seconds all season, will put up the first points of the game on a Drew
Alleman field goal.
Alabama will answer with a big play from either Richardson or one of the Tide receivers similar to what West Virginia did several times against LSU.
This brings us to X-factor No. 2 — LSU’s red zone defense. Or maybe lack of red zone defense.
Tiger opponents have scored on 15 of 16 trips to the red zone this season, nine of which have been touchdowns.
With hard-nosed runners like Richardson and compadre Eddie Lacy and a handful of shifty receivers, if Alabama can work its way inside the 20-yard line, its chances increase drastically.
It’ll be hard-fought, ugly, brutal and dangerous. But a winner must prevail.
Cue the third and final X-factor the bold prediction of the day.
One year ago, even after making the full-time switch from quarterback to wide receiver, junior Russell Shepard made a guarantee to Tiger fans.
“I will not leave here without throwing a pass,” Shepard said with a smile. “I guarantee that.”
It’s that time, Russell. You’re due.
Miles has come out with a trick play in big games all throughout his career. From the fake punt in his first game in purple and gold, to Deangelo Peterson’s reverse against Alabama last year — even when it’s expected, it’s surprising.
Shepard will take the ball on his typical jet sweep. He’ll run right, draw the defense and toss the ball across the field to a wide-open Jordan Jefferson, who will take it to the house and spark the Tigers to victory.
Sorry for ruining your game plan, Coach Miles.
LSU, 24-14.
Mark Clements is a 22-year-old mass communication senior from Baton Rouge.
 
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Contact Mark Clements at [email protected]