Have you heard? “American Idol” hired two new judges.
Just some low-profile pundits by the names of Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez — no one special.
If you went underground for the past year, during which the musical-talent-show-turned-popularity-contest’s judge drama occurred, don’t worry. The race to replace Simon Cowell and Kara DioGuardi ended in September, but the Jan. 19 premiere spent more than 10 minutes unveiling the “superstar judging panel.”
OK, so Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez aren’t exactly nobodies. They are, however, an odd choice of judges for the aging yet youth-targeting show.
After nine seasons, “Idol” needed a facelift. Steven Tyler has had a facelift.
The show’s male demographic ratings needed rejuvenating. So did J. Lo’s career.
When put in those terms, Tyler and Lopez seem like the ideal addition to the panel anchored by music mogul Randy Jackson.
They’re so appealing, however, when one considers the former is a 62-year-old graduate of the Betty Ford Center and the latter is a 40-year-old mother trying to make it “On The Floor” in the dance club.
Yes, you read the last bit correctly: Jennifer Lopez has released a new single, which just so happened to “leak” the same week as her judging gig debuted. The next day, it aired officially on “Idol” host Ryan Seacrest’s radio show.
Ah, synergy.
This sort of publicity stunt is nothing new for “Idol” — former judge Paula Abdul also promoted a new song of her own on one episode.
But “American Idol” is turning into more of a has-been hotspot than “Dancing With The Stars” — a scary thought.
Viewers tune in to vote — not to see the judges perform, cause a spectacle or, as Jackson so eloquently put it, bring “wild energy” to the show. That’s what the stage is for.
After the first week of auditions, I feel compelled to make a few modest proposals I know no “Idol” big-wig will ever read.
Tyler doesn’t need to make a loud-mouthed wisecrack after each performance. He’s becoming to “American Idol” what Mary Murphy is to Fox’s “So You Think You Can Dance.” (If you’ve never heard of the “Hot Tamale Train”, YouTube it — but turn your volume very, very low).
Someone should remind Lopez this is not the “J. Lo Show,” though she frequently narrates to the camera as if it is. During one particularly rowdy audition, Lopez told the others, “You couldn’t just let me have my show?!”
The two celebrity newcomers actually seem too musical for “Idol,” because they can’t resist breaking into song or beat-busting with each contestant. The comeback kids must, for once, relinquish the spotlight to aspiring artists.
Despite its numerous pitfalls and missteps, “American Idol” retains cultural currency as one of television’s best offerings in both the genres of music and reality.
The show highlights genuine, raw talent, even if we must sift through an hour or two of rubbish to find it.
Many of these contestants can actually sing well in a live setting, which distinguishes them from most modern chart-toppers.
“Idol” has also come to reinforce a valuable life lesson: The best do not always win. But for runners-up like Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson, things turned out pretty well.
If nothing else, the decade-defining show’s decline will boost viewership for ABC’s growing fan-favorite “Modern Family” on Wednesdays and CBS’ stellar Thursday lineup of “The Big Bang Theory,” “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” and “The Mentalist” — all of which give this columnist something to smile about.
 
Kelly Hotard is a 19-year-old mass communication junior from Picayune, Miss. Follow her on Twitter
@TDR_khotard.
 
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Contact Kelly Hotard at [email protected]