In 2016, the state of pop music is about as lifeless as the rotting corpses from “The Walking Dead.” I don’t know what’s more depressing: a zombie apocalypse or Meghan Trainor being a Grammy Award winner.
Listen to the radio at any given moment, and you’re likely to hear one of three Justin Bieber songs, Fetty Wap doing his rap-yodeling thing or Rihanna drunkenly stammering through lyrics to the current No. 1 song in the country, “Work.”
Rihanna’s songs have never been insightful, thought-provoking forms of artistic expression, but I literally cannot understand her in this latest offering.
“Work, work, work, work, work, work / He said me haffi / Work, work, work, work, work, work,” she mumbles in an inebriated fashion.
To be fair, Rihanna can move to the top of the charts with little effort simply because there isn’t really any competition right now.
The current top-10 songs on iTunes feature Justin Bieber’s overplayed “Love Yourself,” a live rendition of Kelly Clarkson’s nearly 13-month-old “Piece by Piece” and, the latest unfortunate offering, Flo Rida and Meghan Trainor’s new song, the aptly-titled, “No.”
Meghan Trainor is the woman who unleashed the miserably catchy “All About That Bass” to the masses in 2014. Unfortunately, Meghan Trainor and her unique brand of tackiness just won’t go away.
Trainor’s current relevance is surprising when looking at her fellow one-hit-wonder, Carly Rae Jepsen. Jepsen had one of 2015’s most critically acclaimed pop albums, the 80’s pop-tinged, “Emotion.” Unlike Trainor, she’s an impressive songwriter who writes catchy songs that just happen to be high-quality. However, Jepsen failed to generate popular interest again following her inescapable 2012 hit, “Call Me Maybe.”
We need someone like Jepsen in 2016. Honestly, 2016 needs anything remotely exciting.
Taylor Swift is releasing her seventh single from her monstrous — and now Grammy Award-winning album — “1989.” She is squeezing the last bit of juice from her album, as “New Romantics” was a bonus track featured on the deluxe edition.
Granted, “New Romantics” is arguably Swift’s best chance at another hit. It also happens to feature some of her best writing, in line with the brilliant “Blank Space.”
“We show off our different scarlet letters / Trust me, mine is better,” Swift slyly snips in a verse.
This doesn’t overrule the fact that she’s peddling out a song from 2014.
As Swift dusts off nearly 2-year-old songs from her shelf of potential hits, Ariana Grande is preparing for the release of her untitled third studio album.
Grande’s latest single, “Focus,” failed to generate any steam when it came out in late October 2015. Thus, her album was likely pushed back so she could record new material.
Grande is expected to debut new material, pulling double duty as the host and musical guest of this week’s “Saturday Night Live.”
Her performance will be too predictable to be exciting. Grande will likely just dance around in a skimpy outfit while belting out notes so high, they sound like whistles.
This sounds almost as boring as LSU’s Student Government debate last week.
Like Student Government, pop music needs to “Restart” or move “Forward” or some other cheesy, inspiring phrase.
I just need Lady GaGa to glue some crafts to her face again or Miley Cyrus to twerk on some creepy, middle-aged man. Better yet, maybe someone new can step onto the scene to offer something fresh and exciting.
When it’s done right, pop music can be fun and offer interesting social commentary. Swift’s “Blank Space” and its mocking of Swift’s tabloid persona is a perfect example.
But, as of now, we’re stuck in this weird limbo as we anxiously await the unexpected.
Maybe we should all fast until Beyonce blesses us with another surprise album.
“Are you there Beyonce? It’s me, John Gavin,” I pray from my bedside. “Please, give us anything, except a song featuring Iggy Azalea.”
John Gavin Harp is a 20-year-old mass communication junior from St. Francisville, Louisiana.