A glimmer of hope dawned upon Pelicans nation on Friday.
NBA insider Adrian Wojnarowski reported point guard Jrue Holiday’s return was “imminent,” with plans to suit up no later than Nov. 18 against the Trail Blazers. It was lit, but much was left to be desired in the form of finer details.
What follows is a more detailed and unfortunately inaccurate depiction fused with made-up quotes of Holiday’s grand reveal to his teammates.
New Orleans wrapped up practice, which was noticeably without vigor because the Pels won their first game the previous night, so the next taste of victory would surely be another month away.
Man, being the Western Conference’s bottom feeder sucked.
They couldn’t help but wonder if they’d be in the early playoff picture if Holiday was playing. But he was out indefinitely, caring for his newborn and wife, who are precisely 6 billion times more important than basketball.
What happened next was eerily similar — but definitely not ripped off — to “The Waterboy” scene when Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime of the Bourbon Bowl, re-energizing his teammates and propelling the Mud Dogs to victory.
“Remember when we got Jrue, and I was so hyped that I’d finally have a competent teammate?” asked power forward Anthony Davis. “Me and Jrue really ball together. Man, it sure was nice to play with an All-Star instead of you scrubs.”
“Remember when Jrue put that strap on Russell Westbrook?” asked rookie shooting guard Buddy Hield. “I was at Oklahoma back then. It was only like a 30 minute drive to Oklahoma City. Westbrook tried taking over, but Jrue made him shoot like 30 percent and forced six turnovers. I never seen nobody lock him down like that.”
Indeed, they remembered.
How could they forget their offensive quarterback and a top-seven defensive point guard in the league?
Holiday’s services are vastly underrated, largely because he’s sat out nearly as many games as he’s played since New Orleans acquired him in 2013 for sixth overall pick Nerlens Noel. But when the 2013 All-Star suits up, he’s by far New Orleans’ second-best player and an invaluable asset alongside Davis looking forward.
His best basketball for the Pels came in the new year last season, when he was fully acclimated to coach Alvin Gentry’s system and mostly off his minutes restriction. Holiday averaged 19.5 points, 7.1 assists and 1.7 steals in his final 39 games. Those numbers are square in the middle of Reggie Jackson’s and John Wall’s 2015-16 stats.
Most importantly, he’s an elite perimeter defender in a conference riddled with star point guards.
Anyway, back to the story.
An equipment manager was leaving the room. A whole mess of towels needed folding, but he was cut off. The manager drove right, but a presence with impeccable defensive form halted all attempts to make ground on those towels.
That’s when they knew.
“Remember when Jrue Holiday showed up in mid-November and the Pelicans made the playoffs? Do ya?!” Holiday’s warm voice said with an abnormal stutter.
It was he, New Orleans’ savior, back in action to yank his beloved Pels from the depths of the Western Conference standings and back into the playoff picture.
It would be a long road in a conference that demands teams with playoff aspirations to win at least 46 games, but anything was possible with No. 11 back.
They didn’t have much — their coach was still worthless and there were several D-League players earning consistent minutes — but they now had hope.
“Remember that time Jrue … [inaudible mumbling],” piped up center Omer Asik, woefully misreading the room.
“Shut up, Omer,” Gentry scolded. “Go finish your coloring book!”
“OK, coach,” the seven-foot waste of space and $58 million dollars said.