Wednesday, Taylor Swift split from short-term bae and local British guy Tom Hiddleston. The split ends a nearly three-month obsession teens on the internet had with the couple dubbed Hiddleswift.
While initial reports cited the effect of Hiddleston’s fair skin on Swift’s beach days in Rhode Island as the cause of the breakup, Swift shot them down.
In a statement issued by her publicist, Swift cited her artistry as the real cause.
“He wanted to marry me and have little Transatlantic babies,” Swift said. “I’m not ready for motherhood. I can barely keep my two cats alive.”
“Besides, who wants to listen to an album where I’m in a relationship and happy? No one,” she clarified.
Swift hinted that the breakup will be on her next album.
“I could post a Snapchat, but I’d rather write a song and have the album sell 1 million copies,” she said. “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.”
The split is Swift’s second of 2016. The singer broke things off with DJ and former grocery bagger Calvin Harris in June.
“This isn’t what I came for,” Harris tweeted in June. “She tried to Gone Girl me!”
Swift’s relationship with Hiddleston was the subject of intense speculation, with some believing it was merely for publicity.
“Honestly, Taylor Swift’s fake relationships are more magical than all of my real ones,” local teen and Swift fanfiction author Caitie Burkes said. “Like, I want a fake boyfriend to travel to Rome with while posing for paparazzi.”
After the news broke, Swift’s arch nemesis Kim Kardashian tweeted her thoughts.
“Really, Taylor Swift made Tom famous,” Kardashian said. “I didn’t even know Loki was hot in real life before she dated him.”
With news of the high-profile breakup rippling into the presidential election, Kardashian wasn’t the only commentator.
Republican nominee Donald Trump ridiculed Swift saying, “The only woman I want to be successful is my daughter Ivanka.”
“Crazy, single cat lady! Sad,” Trump concluded.
Meanwhile, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton praised Swift’s determination and career aspirations.
“As a woman who knows a thing or two about ruthless pragmatism, I applaud Swift for prioritizing her career,” Clinton said. “I’d encourage her to encourage her fans to vote for someone who, like Swift, believes in white girl feminism.”
John Gavin Harp is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from St. Francisville, Louisiana.