History was made at the first of this year’s three Presidential debates: The candidates debated whether Rosie O’Donnell was a pig.
American democracy apparently hinges on O’Donnell and her alleged pigishness. She has not responded to requests for comment on whether the United States is doomed.
The debate started off with sniffles from Republican nominee Donald Trump and mild cackles from Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
They quickly evolved into battle cries from the candidates and actual cries for help from moderator Lester Holt.
A GoFundMe in support of Holt’s mental rehabilitation has gone viral since the debate concluded.
Clinton used the debate to put her fact checking skills front and center.
“Well, Donald, I know you live in your own reality, but that is not the facts,” Clinton snapped at one point during the verbal onslaught.
She assumed the role of Presidential fact checker after the Commission on Presidential Debates decide to forgo support for moderators to fact check candidates.
“The candidates should fact-check each other,” said executive director of the commission Janet Brown.
“Challenge accepted,” Clinton tweeted, with a link to a fact-checking widget on her website before the debate.
Throughout the debate, Clinton attempted to fact check Trump with little success, with Trump labeling her claims as “crooked lies.”
Trump speculated the center of Clinton’s crookedness could be found in one of the 30,000 personal emails she deleted from her private server and said he would release his tax returns after she released her emails.
“We know there’s more than yoga appointments in there,” Trump said. “BENGHAZI!”
Clinton rebuked Trump’s attacks by raising questions about why he never paid an architect for work designing a building on one of Trump’s properties.
Trump simply claimed, “Maybe I didn’t like the guy’s work.”
Surprisingly, one stone left unturned was Clinton’s husband’s infidelities. Trump had made claims vowing to mention former President Bill Clinton’s affair during the debate.
The claims proved to be fruitless, as mentions of Monica Lewinsky remained absent from the evening’s proceedings.
“I’ll be back,” Trump said. “And I’m going to get your sleazy husband too!”
John Gavin Harp is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from St. Francisville, Louisiana.
Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump delivers a speech on Thursday, Feb. 11, 2016, during a rally hosted in the Baton Rouge River Center.
