In an effort to broaden his appeal with voters concerned about his lack of foreign policy experience, Donald Trump has announced his intention to appoint American Olympian Ryan Lochte as Secretary of State.
“Mr. Lochte is a fantastic guy, just amazing,” Trump said. “He’s very worldly. The people of Brazil and China just love him.”
Trump cited Lochte’s participation in the 2008, 2012 and 2016 Summer Olympics and his love for the Travel Channel as key factors in his appointment.
“He’s a winner — plain and simple,” Trump said. “We need to get rid of all of the losers and take back our jobs from China!”
Following the announcement, Lochte shared his excitement on Twitter.
“Yo, I don’t know what a Sec of State does, but I hope this means my TV show is back,” Lochte tweeted. “What Would Ryan Lochte Do season 2 y’all!”
Lochte recently made headlines after being indicted by Brazilian authorities for falsely reporting a crime. Following the scandal, Lochte embarked on an apology tour entitled, “My Bad, Bro.”
The tour involved various interviews with high-profile media figures after Lochte dyed his hair in efforts to seem like less of a tool.
In an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer, Lochte stated the indictment was the result of a language barrier between himself and Brazilian authorities.
“Jeah, I just couldn’t understand what they were saying,” said Lochte. “I just really wanted some Cheetos from that convenience store, man.”
When asked if he felt bad about leaving his teammates, Lochte compared the experience to Benghazi.
“Sometimes people know what they’re signing up for, man,” Lochte said. “They knew Libya — I mean Rio — was dangerous.”
Trump’s premature announcement follows weeks of polls indicating voters wanted Trump to strengthen his message on expanding white privilege.
“He’s just not racist enough,” said former klansman and U.S. Senate candidate David Duke. “Americans want to see someone who wants to expand white privilege to the way it used to be.”
Hillary Clinton responded to Trump’s announcement by tweeting the emoji of a laughing face with tears.
John Gavin Harp is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from St. Francisville, Louisiana.