This is the worst time of year.
Now that the “March Madness” is over, the long, dull days of minimal sports action begin.
This is the time of year when you catch people eagerly watching The Masters or NASCAR, but as soon as you walk in the room they change the channel real quick, too embarrassed to admit their desperation. The time of year when you actually stop on a tennis match while channel surfing, hoping to see Ray Lewis lay out Andy Roddick on that nice looking turf. Or when you actually start doing mock drafts for your fantasy football season — or your next four fantasy football seasons.
Oh, and for all you early-season baseball fans out there, get a grip. Everyone knows that Major League Baseball sucks until the playoffs. I am not even going to mention the steroids problem.
Baseball statisticians go crazy when the season starts. The Baltimore Orioles are on pace to win 162 games. Dmitri Young is going to clobber 486 home runs. Blah blah blah. Ever heard of someone called Mr. May? How about Mr. June or July? Nope. But there is a Mr. October and a reason for it.
I like to refer to this time of year as the dry season of the sports calendar year. This is an easy reference for me — a geography major concentrating in climatology — because I study climate and weather patterns all the time. In almost every city on the planet there is a wet season and a dry season.
So here we are at the beginning of our dry spell. But there are a few things each month to look forward to in sports.
April — The NFL draft, just a small shower in our arid journey back to the football monsoons. But watch with interest and especially pay attention to the unfolding Maurice Clarett saga as he continues to slip down the draft board. This guy ran a 4.67 second 40-yard dash — at best — and he wanted to come out of college and challenge the NFL eligibility requirements after his freshman year? By those standards, former Redskins’ cornerback and speedster Darrell Green would have been eligible for the draft at age three.
May — the NBA playoffs. Thank you, New Orleans, for not qualifying this season. I think the Hornets were eliminated back in November. Now I do not have to wait every three days to watch you guys play a quarter of basketball, and then watch as you drag the series out to seven games — which translates into almost three weeks to finish a seven-game series!
June — the NBA finals. This will only be of interest to local sports fans if Shaquille O’Neal and the Miami Heat still are playing. The bigger sporting event to pay attention to in June is the College World Series. Maybe LSU actually will win a game in Omaha this season, which would make the whole boring month of June worth it.
July — Ahhh, some football relief. Dwarfing the MLB All-Star game on July 12 is the release of NCAA Football 2006. By the time football season begins for LSU, I will have four national championships with the Tigers and four Heisman trophies for Ryan Perrilloux.
August — finally, the end is near. The NFL preseason begins August 6 in Tokyo as Atlanta takes on Indianapolis, without a Michael Vick sighting most likely. All eyes will be on the August 8 match-up between Chicago and Miami in the Hall of Fame Game in Canton, Ohio. NFL fans will get their first taste of the Rex Grossman-to-Muhsin Muhammad connection, which is going to fill the void left by the messy breakup of Dante Culpepper and Randy Moss. Oh yeah, and it is Nick Saban’s first game as an NFL coach.
September — The floods arrive. LSU opens the season Sept. 3 against North Texas and the Les Miles era begins. The NFL preseason winds down and the regular season heats up. Better hope all that fantasy football preparation paid off. And poor, poor baseball. Now that the games really do matter, people have football again and do not need you — not that they ever did, anyway.