I can’t hide it any longer.
I feel obligated to tell everyone about the LSU football team’s “You Can Start At Quarterback” contest, even though it might jeopardize my chances of winning.
With Marcus Randall’s confidence struggles and Matt Mauck’s injured wheel, Nick Saban has developed a new method of easing the young quarterback into the game by starting someone else.
As we all know by now, last week’s winner was Rick Clausen. He was chosen at random from a pool of 1,367 applicants. The number of entries was so low because the contest was kept quiet. For the sake of fairness, I believe the best person should get the opportunity, so I’m exposing the whole thing right now.
For all those interested in applying, you don’t need to go to the athletic office. I’ve got the paperwork right here:
Name: ___________________
Years at quarterback: _______
Years in LSU’s system: ______
Please list prior experience:
_________________________
Please circle “yes” or “no” in the following:
Can you see over the offensive line? Yes No
Do you weigh at least 150 pounds? Yes No
Can you learn 20-30 plays in a week? Yes No
Can you throw a 5-10 yard pass? Yes No
Can you throw a screen pass? Yes No
Can you complete 25 percent of your passes? Yes No
Can you receive a snap without fumbling? Yes No
Can you run the ball without fumbling? Yes No
Can you complete five plays without fumbling? Yes No
Can you limit yourself to three interceptions in a half?
Yes No
Can you run through the snap cadence without drawing your players offsides? Yes No
Does your brother play football for a major university?
Yes No
Do you have spiked blond hair? Yes No
Are you orginially from California? Yes No
Please explain why you are the right person for the job in 300 words or less.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Terms of agreement:
The LSU football team is required by law to play the winner of the contest for a minimum of one quarter. After said quarter, the team has the choice of entering former starter Marcus Randall into the game at any time. The LSU Athletic Department is not responsible for any injuries, physical or emotional, that may occur as a result of the play on the field.
Now, don’t be afraid to sign up. You don’t have to answer “yes” to all those questions listed above. The applicant with the finest qualifications will be chosen. The best of luck to everyone.