Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, and troops have occupied Baghdad.
‘Tis the season of blissfulness, love and taxes.
I don’t know about you folks, but I am ready for a break from this spring.
Thanks be to the higher powers for next week.
Unfortunately, I won’t be high-tailing it to Panama City or South Padre to star in “Girls Gone Wild 47: Chubby Chicks Attack” like a lot of you.
Rather, I’ll immerse myself in my hometown for a few days.
I’ve spent most of my time at this University attempting to escape that place, but as I prepare to be a grown up, I’m getting nostalgic.
Tallassee, in case you didn’t know, is a map dot — a town of almost 5,000 seated on the Tallapoosa River in the heart of Alabama.
It’s home to one of the country’s smallest Wal-Marts and one of the country’s biggest pig statues.
The gigantic, anatomically correct pig was formed from scrap metal and now resides in front of my favorite barbecue joint.
The high school boys delight in spray painting a certain part of the pig’s anatomical correctness blue each year.
And the town liked the Christmas lights on it so much that they’ve become a permanent feature.
Usually, Tallassee’s front-page news consists of a blurb about the school board meeting and a huge photo of Jo Beth’s cow winning third place at the state 4-H competition.
But the latest scoop was about a movie that just finished filming on the river.
Everyone in town now has a fuzzy photo of Ewan McGregor, Helena Bonham Carter or Danny Devito (from 100 yards away) in their scrapbooks.
My favorite photos are shots of the men in town heaving giant stones from the set over their heads like Hercules.
The styrofoam monoliths were placed along the river bank to make it look more “natural.”
Tallassee is home to more churches and gas stations than restaurants, but the food’s great.
The barbecue alone is worth the trip, and just thinking about the fresh squash, tomatoes, okra and eggplant in the summer makes my mouth water.
If you want to catch a new movie you’ll have to drive 30 minutes, but if a video will do, rental stores are on both sides of the river.
The main social activity for high school kids (other than making out in the parking lot) is driving up and down the “four-lane” — the town’s main road — to see if anyone else is doing the same.
Nightspots include Moony Hollow, Yates Dam and the Gravel Pit.
Tallassee is a town that 1950 forgot.
I almost had too.
Have a happy Spring Break.