Well, as some of you read yesterday, a women claiming to have the truth behind the Cuff wrote a letter to the editor explaining HER side of the story.
It’s all true, especially the part about the vienna sausage.
Hey, I can handle it … can you?
Anywho, seeing as how that was the warmest response I have recieved from her in quite a while, I’m getting the idea that the long hours spent trying to woo her have worked.
It’s time to move this relationship forward.
Jolie, will you marry me?
Before the ineviatable “yes,” let me just run through some reasons (that I’m sure you already know) why I would make a wonderful hubby.
* Shade in the summer, and warmth in the winter. Not to mention hot sex appeal all year long.
* You will always feel good about yourself compared to me.
* Ample supply of Gold Bond Medicated Powder
* The stalking would stop.
* No need to buy maternity clothes-just raid my closet.
* I already have a station wagon to accomadate our large family.
* Having children with me.
* Adopting.
* A reason to be relegious
* You ain’t gettin’ any younger, and you’re running out of choices.
Those are just a few of the reasons why I would make a wonderful life long mate.
Just think, we could get married at our favorite chinese buffett restuarant.
Somewhere between the sesame chicken and the egg drop soup stands our wedding party; my men in Kilts and your maids in moomoo’s.
I take your hand as we read our own vows, “My love I am yours forever.”
You cry tears of joy, I continue … “Forever and ever and ever and ever. Yours until the mountains crumble, until the seas burn, until I die of heart disease or lung cancer or infasema or heart attack.”
You read yours … “blah, blah, blah.”
And then we concemate our union at the Motel Rougiana Truck Stop and Resort and Casino and Bar and Grill and Bail Bond Office.
I will carry you across the threshold, throw you on the bed, pump in a quarter and watch you squirm.
The vision of us 10 years from now shoots through my mind-seven children, two bedrooms, one bath.
You and I as happy as ever.
You neglect to wax your chin hair on my request-just how God made you.
I neglect to change underwear on your request-your olfactory senses have grown to love my musky aroma.
Our seven children, Jay Jr., Jaliene, J.J., Jason, Jana, Jayarajah, and Steve, run dirty in the yard next to the wheel-less wagon.
I will hold my breath in anticipation of your loving reply, Cupcake!