Starting last Tuesday, I, the The Reveille’s entertainment guru,began in an in-depth search for a superstar.
It seemed Matthew McConaughey, the star of such fine films as”The Wedding Planner” and “Dazed and Confused,” was popping up allover Baton Rouge.
McConaughey was spotted at local restaurant Tony’s Seafood twiceand once at Phil’s Oyster Bar. He was even seen taunting the ladieswith his hunky features at the local car dealership, CapitalGMC.
Then news of tragedy struck the McConaughey universe. Sourcesrevealed one of McConaughey’s pet dogs suffered from a pawinfection.
Though conflicting reports surface as to where the operationtook place, we are fairly sure his beloved pet is now anamputee.
After an intense seven days of “McConaughey Watch 2004,” ananonymous source who did not want to be “that guy” (Reveillesportswriter Elliott Brown) directed me to Zachary, Louisiana wherethe elusive star allegedly was staying with his romantic interestPen����lope Cruz at a home there.
The couple had been seen frolicking about town, playing catch inthe front yard. McConaughey was even spotted giving the Spanishsenorita driving lessons.
As we drove in to Zachary, I clearly could understand whyMcConaughey would want to stay there. Signs offering Zacharites”Fresh Coons” and the town’s hot-spot “Club Platinum,” pointed theway to Mr. McConaughey’s Louisiana hideaway.
Sources said McConaughey was free-loading from his limo driverpal. Perhaps McConaughey was exactly like his pot-smoking characterfrom “Dazed and Confused.” Maybe McConaughey enjoyed bringing hisbongos on the road and abusing the generosity of those blinded byhis intense fame.
First we decided to make a drive-by of the stars’ allegedlodging. An older man stood in front of the house taking out thetrash and the car McConaughey was supposedly driving was notthere.
It was lunchtime, so we drove around to several of Zachary’sfinest restaurants. We thought we saw his car at Wendy’s, so wequickly pulled in.
A couple of Junior Cheeseburgers later, we reformulated our plan– if I was the star of “Edtv” where would I be?
McConaughey had been seen on the local golf courses, so wesearched for the Texan at pro-shops and in golf carts aroundtown.
Sadly, McConaughey was not shagging balls that day.
After some nudging from my editor I decided to approach the homewhere McConaughey was staying. Trying my best not to look like arabid fan, I knocked on the door, remembering McConaughey waseasily angered when referred to as “Matt.”
The homeowner confirmed McConaughey had been there but said thestar had recently left town.
“You just missed him,” said the friendly older man. “He’s beenhere twelve days. He’s travelin’.”
I left the man my contact number for him to pass on toMcConaughey and as of press time, I have not received a call.
After a long hard day of eating cheeseburgers and staring outwindows, I realized I was not cut out for the life ofpaparazzi.
Perhaps it was a twinge of guilt I felt for my insatiableappetite for celebrity news, but then I thought again, it wasmerely indigestion.
I will not rest until McConaughey has spoken to the Reveille,and by not rest I mean I will await his phone call.
It seems McConaughey has won his first tangle with the rovingeye of The Reveille’s celebrity coverage, but he has not won thewar.