Editor’s Note: The following column is satire.
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) sat down for a meeting with President-elect Donald Trump about her appointment to the Department of Governmental Efficiency (DOGE) and how unfair Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy are being.
Greene mentioned that when she was first put in, she was given the keys to her office, but when she went to her office, it was just a 10-by-six-foot rectangle. Greene commented that the “Janitor’s Closet” sign was still attached, but covering it was a piece of A4 paper with the words “Green’s office” on it, misspelling her name.
Musk and Ramaswamy, the co-chairs of the DOGE, mentioned that they’re both the best fit for governmental efficiency, as one job dedicated to two people, they can split the work required and spend most of their time posting on X, formerly known as Twitter.
When Trump questioned the pair about Greene’s involvement, Musk replied:
“What’s more efficient than reusing space that we already have?” Musk commented, jumping while making an X shape, “The janitor doesn’t do anything anyway. If adults can’t clean after themselves, then maybe they shouldn’t work for the U.S. Government.”
Greene was told this information and was furious; according to reports, she came out of the closet and immediately spoke with a reporter about the meeting:
“I’ve about HAD it with that Elongated Muskrat and Vivek Rams a swan lake.” Greene said, mid-tantrum, “These immigrants are taking all the white jobs! Why hasn’t Trump deported these two yet?”
When informed that Ramaswamy was a U.S. citizen, Rep. Greene got upset, stating that his name sounds foreign, so for all intents and purposes, he is foreign. Greene furthered her rhetoric against Ramaswamy especially, with a tirade of her own later in the day:
“I’m TIRED of Trump appealing to the wokies. He is too concerned about black jobs that he didn’t even put one thought in my dear white job? Why did Trump put these two DEI’s in this new office and not me? I earned my position in Congress by first working for a gym, and we all know that’s plenty of experience! What experience does Wokelon Musk or Vivek DEIswamy have?”
Greene, taking jabs at both her coworker, Musk, and her new boss, Trump, stated how Musk’s attraction to Trump is a little “weird” and how Elon is simultaneously Elonia, the first lady, and Elon, the vice-vice president. Greene furthers her comments:
“Congratulations to Musky, for he is the first African-American vice president,” Greene said. “It seems like once Elon got involved, J.D. Vance was forgotten about. He might be too busy with the new white house furniture. Ah, wait, don’t quote me on that. Please remove that quote from the record … you removed it, right?”
Trump’s appointment of Greene has taken a toll on his best friend, Musk, who is as tired of Green as Trump is of Musk:
“As soon as [Greene] found out I was African, she started treating me differently. She started speaking slower to me, acting like I was stupid or something,” Musk said, shoving cookies into his mouth like a Martian. “I think she might be a little bit racist.”
Greene, aware of her co-workers conspiring against her, frustratedly walked back to her closet. She got bored of media questions, and after her verbal blunder, she walked away from her press conference while reporters were still hurling questions towards her.
As rabid as journalists are, they followed Greene to her office to ask her more questions. One question finally got her to respond, and that was the question of; Neither Mr. Musk nor Mr. Ramaswamy mentioned your name in the advertisement of this new subcommittee. What makes you ready for the challenge of leading it?
“Trump said it was MY turn with the DOGE, Elon,” Greene exclaimed to reporters as she sat in the closet. “I am an equal leader of this efficient office. Now go away, media. I have some ‘business’ to attend to.” As our correspondent was leaving, they could hear the faint noises of Alex Jones coming from the room.
Andrew Sarhan is an 18-year-old mass communication freshman from Baton Rouge, La.
