I recently turned 21 and had an incredible time accomplishing a major milestone like this. I wanted to do everything under the sun that I couldn’t before: go to the casino, get a cocktail and buy a lottery ticket. All the firsts that come to mind as an inexperienced legal adult. 

I can’t tell you what exactly triggered the connection between my age and celibacy. It was more like as you turn a certain age, you take a step back and reflect on your year and the new era you’re entering. Right then, I really started to pay attention to the rhetoric surrounding hook-up culture, sex, self-expression and intimacy that was coming from my peers. 

Obviously, you don’t have to be an adult to know that hook-up culture and premature sexual experience have taken over Generation Z. I just thought by the time I made it into the 21 club, we would have gotten a little bit of a clue. I stand corrected. Nobody’s got any idea about anything ever. If they do, then I call bull, because we are all collectively figuring it out as we go.  

I stand on either side of celibacy or hook-up culture. I am a do what you want to do with whom you want kind of supporter. It’s also never anyone’s business but yours when and who you connect sexually with.

But I think before anything, if you feel like you’re ready to take on that kind of lifestyle, just be aware of who you’re talking to and who you’re sharing things with. Would you be in a comprisable situation if this got out? Are you prepared to be associated with anyone you hook up with in the future? 

When I used to hear the word celibate, I would automatically associate it with religion. But what I learned from research is that it can be a beautiful practice, the ultimate declaration to yourself. You can learn a lot about intimacy and self-expression. 

Who you are outside of sex and romantic relationships matters. If you can’t remember not giving yourself to someone else in exchange for even the bare minimum, that breaks my heart, but it is one of the sad truths amongst others today. 

At this time in their lives, young adult women and men are discovering a new sense of freedom and identity. You should never be faulted for wanting to or not wanting to explore self-expression. 

Because the way you see yourself is not always how everyone else sees you. Hook-up culture has warped our minds into having this premeditated idea of what should happen even on dates. This goes for guys and girls; you do not owe anyone anything in exchange for your company. 

For me, the earliest consistency in school was when friendships had some romantic involvement. You could always expect there would be a new crush at school, someone wanting to talk to you to get to your friend. At lunch, you could expect to see hugging and hand-holding. 

It seemed really innocent at the time, but as we got older, the purity and innocence started to disappear. Some kids, unfortunately, really did graduate into that physical level of a relationship.

It’s sad because, as a young girl, you always remember your first big crush or how you want your first kiss to pan out. I’m burdened with a heavy heart because I know how intense the pressure of curiosity was to explore romance and ultimately get let down. 

I almost wish, along with those crude sexual education courses, our authority figures made sure to reinstall the power of abstinence within us. I tend to mourn the person I was in middle school and my friends. The hypersexuality of some of them made them victims, too. The years of uncorrupt self-image they’ll never be able to get back. So yeah, I think, as a 21-year-old, it’s cute to be celibate.  

Why is it negative to choose an act that is beneficial to you? Where is that backlash coming from? People in society who are projecting. Many people don’t take that step back and reevaluate their relationships. That truth can be hard to face. 

No one is there to tell them, “Hey, you have a choice; you can always choose yourself.” So, I think people at this age become angry or confused and want to take back some things they experienced.

Instead of looking in the mirror and accepting the reality, they project. I want younger people to know it’s celebrated to go against the crowd. You don’t owe anyone an explanation unless you want to. The choice is yours; I just always hope that you choose wisely.  

Blair Bernard is a 21-year-old theater performance major from Lafayette, La.