Romance is hard; trust me, if anyone knows, it’s me. Nowadays, there’s an emphasis on how difficult it is to find a partner and less on how difficult it is to maintain a healthy relationship.

I have always been conditioned to believe that having a relationship is easy; having a good one is a Herculean feat.

As I’ve aged, it’s become even more obvious just how true this statement is, especially for people pleasers, more specifically for people pleasers who are trying to sexually please their partner(s). So, get ready for some sex talk.

For a lot of people, sex is a vital part of romance. For the worst people alive, it’s the most important.

No matter what side of the spectrum you’re on, sex is one of the forces that makes the world go round and pushes countless disasters and miracles. You could say that it’s a powerful, mysterious and silly thing.

Sex, being the all-powerful and unknowable thing it is, can make or break a relationship. Oftentimes, there comes a moment where there will be a disagreement when it comes to the devil’s tango in a relationship.

Maybe it’s a night when you’re not feeling it, and your partner is. Maybe they want to try out something new, and you’re not really feeling it. It could literally be anything. The bottom line is that someone isn’t sure they’re craving a big O.

This can start to feel sticky if you’re unsure of how to go about saying the magical two-letter word, “No.” I can empathize with this. Sex is sensitive, and you probably don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.

But just remember that you can always soften the blow by sharing what you’re feeling in a bit more detail. Relationships are supposed to be a place where you can be open and vulnerable without judgment and fear, so be vulnerable.

However, I know that regardless of how much you soften the blow it can still feel scary, especially for those among us that happen to be people pleasers.

Coming from a former pleaser, I am fully aware of how hard it can be. You’re scared that they won’t love you anymore, that this one refusal will ruin everything, and that you love them anyway, so what’s a little sacrifice for their enjoyment?

That is an extremely dangerous and slippery slope. Akin to quicksand, sacrificing yourself via tidbits of comfort is a surefire way to rip yourself to shreds to feed something your partner doesn’t need.

In the end, this will only cause you grief. A little give and take is necessary and can feel good, but you have to be aware of how you feel, listen to yourself and be open and ready for any potential fallout.

I’m going to hold your hand when I say this: If you are left because you say, “No, I don’t wanna do that” in the bedroom, then your relationship was never going to last in the first place, and you deserve better.

Any partner worth your love, time, respect, energy, and body is going to be perfectly fine with a response that denotes the negative of their desires. Stay safe, have fun and make sure that you and your partner are having a good time.

Garrett McEntee is a 19-year-old English sophomore from Benton.