From Himes to Highland, the Quad to Tiger Stadium, the LSU Leaker is on the loose.

Widely recognized by students as a whimsical chaos agent, the LSU Leaker’s game is simple: he (or she, or they… probably he) travels around campus, and pees — or, one hopes, pretends to pee.

Operating under the aptly named TikTok alias @the.lsu.pisser, the social media sensation is shrouded in mystery. We don’t know who he is, we don’t know what he wants and we don’t know where he’ll strike next. But we do know that he’s not alone.

“Pissers” are taking over college campuses across the country, and so far only a few have been brought to justice. This past weekend, the San Antonio Police Department forced the viral “UTSA Pisser” to suspend his TikTok account and publicly apologize for his piddle peddling.

Regional commentators haven’t been much kinder.

Lori Crofford, a broadcaster for Amarillo’s 91.1 The Bull, commented, “What the heck is going on in the world today?” Crofford lambasted the trend as a symptom of America’s deteriorating moral fabric. “It’s gross, and it is uncivilized,” she said.

Well, Crofford, that may be. Sure, the LSU Leaker might be a little gross, and fine, maybe it’s not “civilized” to urinate on public property. But quite frankly, I don’t care.

Consider me the LSU Leaker’s first public ally.

In what remains of this editorial, I’ll outline a cogent defense of the LSU Leaker’s quasi-vandalism. In my view, the LSU Leaker isn’t some aimless anarchist. He’s an undergraduate vigilante, a Robin Hood figure whose whimsical antics should leave us wanting more.

First, though, I’ll respond to a few of Crofford’s most salient objections.

“Multiple laws are being broken. This involves public urination and indecent exposure.”

No they aren’t. According to Louisiana Revised Statute 14:106, the law prohibits “Exposure of the genitals, pubic hair, anus, vulva, or female breast nipples in any… place open to the public view.”

As evidenced by the fact that he hasn’t been caught, no LSU student has seen the LSU Leaker in action. He operates in secret. Therefore, his genitalia are not “open to the public view.” All we see is a stream of urine, which — surprising as it may seem — isn’t illegal.

More likely, though, the LSU Pisser isn’t actually peeing on campus grounds. The fluid is incredibly clear. Either he’s faking it, or he’s more hydrated than a fish in a flash flood. For his sake, I’m hoping it’s just water.

“Real or implied, the world will take it as real.”

Who is “the world”? I certainly don’t take it as real. I don’t think the student body does either. We attend Louisiana’s flagship university, after all. Our standardized test scores are higher than ever. Surely our inference skills are strong enough to avoid being duped by the LSU Pisser.

Perhaps she’s referring to young children, who might be inspired by college “leakers” to actually start urinating in public. My response is simple: if your child is stupid enough to pee on his math textbook because of a TikTok trend, you should reevaluate your parenting skills. Social media is the least of your problems.

“Anything that’s illegal and borderline crazy is not funny.”

Says who? I think it’s pee-your-pants funny.

So, to those of you who are pissed off about the LSU Pisser: calm down. Take a deep breath, count to 10 or drink a beer.

Unless the LSU Leaker has peed on your leg (which I suspect he hasn’t… yet), you have no cause for outrage. It was never that serious.

To the LSU Leaker, thank you. In these trying times, we could all use a laugh every once in a while. Please don’t pee in any of my classrooms though. That would be gross.

But also, if you’re looking for tips: if you want to lean into the Robin Hood bit, consider targeting people who deserve it — like Garrett Nussmeier or my least favorite professor.

I’m not asking you to pee on their doors, but I wouldn’t be mad if you did.