10. An end to hibernation. Winter break is characterized by two primary activities: eating and sleeping. Consuming three solid home-cooked meals a day courtesy of Cajun Mom and helplessly dozing due to the cold rainy weather are time consuming. Even if you manage to pull yourself away from marathoning “It’s Always Sunny” on Netflix, it’s too cold and wet to leave the crumb-covered couch you’ve called home for the past month. Spring semester puts an end to all that. Get ready to wake up at 7:30 a.m., shove a bro-tein bar down your throat and sleep your way through syllabus week.
9. A whole new schedule. Wait, where the hell is Patrick Taylor hall and why is my history class there? As if starting new classes isn’t hard enough, finding the class may be harder. Looking at your schedule, you’re likely to see names of buildings you didn’t know existed. If you manage to find your class, good luck getting there on time. Last semester the new “on the hour” rule was put into effect, meaning you actually have to be in class on time. Great.
8. The weather. For those who walk/bike/scooter/long board to class, get ready. January in South Louisiana means rain. Don’t even try to look cute. You’re going to get soaked, it’s inevitable. Once you actually get to class, have fun sitting in wet clothes next to the shoeless Hippy Guy whose dreads now smell of wet dog.
7. Making friends. A new semester with all new classes means making new “friends.” “Friends” is in quotes because, let’s be real, after this semester you’re going to pretend you never met these people. On the first day of class, you scan the room for the least repulsive looking people. You’re mentally taking notes on who looks the most studious (to e-mail for notes, of course) and who looks like they couldn’t have graduated high school (to avoid like the plague when group projects roll around). You may exchange pleasantries and e-mail addresses, you may form study groups during finals, but you never want to see these people again.
6. The burnt pancake exam. As the saying goes, “You always burn the first pancake.” The same applies to the first exam in each new class. Yeah, sure, you read the syllabus. You attended most classes (possibly hungover). You bought the textbook, even if you didn’t necessarily read it. But, when it comes down to it, you have no clue what that first exam is going to be like. Amphetamines can only help so much. After you totally bomb the first exam, at least you come out of it with the knowledge of how little you have to study for the next one.
5. The switcheroo. A night class on Tuesdays from 6 to 9 p.m. didn’t seem like such a terrible idea when you were scheduling. But after that first class, it’s pretty clear you’re never going to attend that class. Let’s face it: three solid hours of Russian Lit would make anyone want to hang themselves. You log into Moodle and desperately search for relevant classes that fit into your current schedule before the last day to drop classes.
4. You’re going to get the flu. You got the flu shot? Nice try. Hand sanitizer? Cool story, bro. Just give it up. There’s no avoiding that back-to-school coughing, sneezing, hacking sickness when you’re piled into classrooms with 300-plus people. So get loaded on cold meds and drag your dying ass to that clicker class in the pouring, freezing rain armed with your own personal box of Kleenex and a good attitude.
3. Books. There’s nothing remotely funny about paying hundreds and hundreds of dollars for books you may or may not use at all during the semester. Oh, it’s listed under “required materials,” but there’s no telling whether or not you’re even going to crack that $300 waste-of-trees open. Thankfully, you’ve got two kidneys, and one of them’s gotta be worth something on the black market.
2. Desperate times call for desperate measures. You partied your way through fall semester (aka football season), don’t even deny it. One too many 50 cent shot nights at Reggie’s took its toll, and your grades reflected it. Spring semester is your opportunity to bring your grades up. Except, you’re really not going to knock it out of the park like you planned. And the desperation will set in. By the end of the semester, you’ll be sending countless class-wide emails begging for notes and requesting meetings with professors who have never seen your face before asking them to round your grade up. Get your act together, and maybe fall semester will suck less than spring semester already is.
1. After this, it’s the real world, kid. For most seniors, spring semester is it. It’s the last time you’ll have a new schedule, the last time you’ll struggle to afford books and the last time you’ll get the flu thanks to school. Spring semester sucks, and it sucks even more if it’s your last one. Because after this, there will be no more semesters. You’ll have to actually get a job. And pay for stuff by yourself. You might just miss how much spring semester sucked.
