The University Department of Physics and Astronomy decided in an administrative meeting Monday to change the curriculum, name and overall aim of the astronomy program to study astrology because astronomy was just not working out. It’s was just too hard.
According to Merriam-Webster definitions, astronomy is the scientific study of stars, planets and other objects in outer space. The definition of astrology is the study of how stars and movements of the planets have a “supposed” influence on events and on the lives and behaviors of people.
University associate professor Burt Starr said the goal of this program change is to cultivate more interest among students and hopefully raise attendance in the otherwise ghost town classrooms hosting the stargazing courses.
After years of studying the physical makeup of stars millions of miles away, Starr said the astronomy faculty simply realized they did not actually know what they were talking about.
“What’s the point of studying things that are so far away anyways?” Starr said. “I think students would be much more interested in studying astrology, a.k.a. their horoscopes.”
The Obama administration is requesting $17.5 billion for the NASA budget, but Starr said this is really too much money to be devoted to a “Star Wars fan club organization.”
Creative writing sophomore Julie Emerson said the level of difficulty of her introductory astronomy course surprised her when she realized the class was more than just learning the eight or nine planets of the solar system in order.
“I really don’t know why this has to be so hard,” Emerson said. “I thought we were going to be learning about our birth signs and stuff, but we’re not.”
Emerson said she is glad the department has made this change and has veered more toward a science that has no scientific evidence to support it. Many of her peers will be sure to sign up for the fall sections of the newly revised classes, she said.
One University professor, Normal Boyles, was outraged by the departmental adjustment and claimed he would do anything in his power to combat the modification.
“This is freaking ridiculous!” Boyles said. “I can’t believe the administration would do something so inauspicious and detrimental to such a great astronomy program.”
While the outburst was not taken lightly by administration, Starr said the concern was displaced and Boyles’ presence within this department discussion was confusing.
“Yeah that guy is an English professor,” Starr said. “I’m not really sure what he was doing at the meeting but he also wasn’t wearing pants, so this was the right decision.”
“What’s the point of studying things that are so far away anyways? I think students would be much more interested in studying astrology, a.k.a. their horoscopes.”