There are instances when students aren’t looking around, but ahead. Instances when hots for teacher become more than a Van Halen fantasy. These relationships, the ever more elusive, are a greater challenge than locking eyes with the undergrad across the room. Yet some students have successfully crossed the threshold, engaging in sexual relationships with their college professors and mentors. And some professors have wanted more from students outside of professionalism. With such a stigma on student-teacher dating, how do those involved cope with these feelings?
Lizeth was considered a non-traditional undergraduate at twenty-eight years old, and this term also applied to her year-long relationship with her professor.
“It’s not so black and white,” she said. “Since we were the same age, there wasn’t as much of a hierarchy in place.”
Lizeth knew she liked her professor before she set foot in the classroom—though Lizeth did not realize the woman who gave her directions to her first class was her professor, the professor knew Lizeth was in her class as she flirted with her.
Though neither acted upon attraction during the semester, they exchanged a few casual emails about classwork and travel.
“It was a super platonic exchange of emails, but there was always sort of an undertone,” she said.
Lizeth said an intimacy was already established by the nature of the class.
“It was a lesbian writer’s class,” Lizeth said. The professor came out in class, and although some students felt it was inappropriate, Lizeth said it established closeness with her students.
What Lizeth and her professor did feel was inappropriate was openly being in a relationship.
“We did feel like we had to sort of hide,” she said. “We did have an overall understanding we’d have to wait until the semester was over.”
For several reasons, this is not particularly encouraged in the academic community. If the student is currently taking a class with a professor, the student may receive biased academic treatment. There is also a breach of professionalism when dating a student, taking an in-class relationship to a romantic one.
“Generally speaking, I understand when there is a policy in place that forbids teachers from getting in relationships with students, such as fairness in grading,” Lizeth said.
Though her friends were wary, Lizeth said it was because they “saw a red flags in her personality” since they knew her. However, Lizeth said the professor’s friends all seemed to be very accepting at social gatherings such as department parties.
“There’s an overall negative connotation on student-teacher relationships that shouldn’t necessarily be the case,” Lizeth said.
The power structure can be seductive to both parties, but the inequality can cause rifts in the relationship.
In her communication studies doctoral dissertation “The Effects of Sex and Context on Students’ Interpretation of Teachers’ High Immediacy Messages,” Carolyn Hornsby Rester concludes that there can be miscommunication between a professor’s intentions based on sex.
“Students interpret high immediacy from male teachers as control but the same behavior from female teachers is interpreted as caring… [they] also perceive excessive immediacy as more inappropriate when it is from a male teacher than from a female teacher.”
Communications professor Renee Edwards adds that students do learn more from moderately strong immediate behavior, but if immediacy is excessive, students do not learn as much.
“The student probably becomes distracted by overly close and personal behavior or put off by it,” she said.
For example, excessively immediate behavior such as smiling frequently and standing close to the student may be uncomfortable, but because it’s in a classroom, it wouldn’t be perceived as harassment. However, a private setting such as an office lends itself to immediate behavior being perceived as harassment.
When something did occur between Lizeth and her professor, it was toward the end of the semester at a bar.
“The class is basically her life, so I felt like I knew her really well,” she said. “So when I saw her at Splash is when it got really sexual.”
The power inequality in student-teacher relationships derives from the student’s compromising position as often younger and in need of a good grade and the professor’s advanced age and ability to grant that grade.
In Lizeth’s case, the power inequality was hardly an aspect in the relationship. However, she did say, “there were times when it did feel a little bit awkward. Academics can be really pretentious and hang out in elitist circles.”
Lizeth was understanding of these professors having worked hard to earn their PhDs and discuss their studies, but felt “super inadequate not just as a poor little undergrad but also because of what they were talking about.”
On an individual level, Lizeth felt respected by her former girlfriend.
“Intellectually, she respected me and respected me as a writer so I didn’t feel a huge gap,” she said. “Even though I was an undergrad, I had a lot of life experience. She spent twelve years in school – I had lived everything she had been theorizing about, so there was balance there.”
However, it did play a role in her initial attraction to her professor.
“It was hot to me that she was brilliant and a teacher,” Lizeth said.
In cases of inappropriate conduct between students and faculty, LSU’s Human Resources and Management is the department that addresses such issues. According to student commentary on a case regarding a sexual harassment charge in the LSU Vet School, HRM seems “non-committal” and referred to the situation as a “personnel issue.” With this sort of response, students may feel discouraged from informing authority figures about sexual harassment from faculty.
Student-teacher relationships are like any other collegiate relationship: one that must be regarded carefully, especially considering a possible power inequality.
“There’s always this fantasy of maybe hooking up with a teacher,” Lizeth said. “I think it happens a lot more than people assume.”
As Lizeth demonstrates, your teacher might be flirting back – but whether that remains an unfulfilled fantasy or becomes a relationship depends on the moves you make and the classes you take.
*Sources requested they only be referred to using their first names for anonymity.
