Are you hungry? Perhaps curious to try something new? Or, are you an ex-Acacia member who just needs something to help relive the memories?
The Funyon has compiled a list of the best dog foods to try tonight with just you, a plastic tarp, and some of your best frat bros.
First, try some Purina Beneful Incredibites! They truly are incredible with the beef flavor and the subtle taste of illness and imminent death. Have this in moderation and you’ll feel like a new person, and eventually, die. Put yourself out of your misery with Purina!
The second best dog food is Cesar Canine Cuisine, Smoked Barbeque Chicken flavor. This brand is particularly fun as it’s a wet dog food instead of dry. Why is it wet? The same reason your mother was last night!
But, this moisture makes this food more adventurous… there’s no shortage of mystery in the delicious damp clumps of chicken-flavored Cesar!
Next, get yourself a bowlfull of Iams Chicken and Garden Pea. The smoky flavor blended with the crunchy texture will have you begging for more! Like a dog! Which you are!
The fourth dog food you should try today is Nature’s Recipe Easy to Digest Dog Food. Dog food is hard to swallow, but through in your pride and you’ve got yourself a stomach ache! With this dog food, you can continue your terrible lifestyle with fewer illnesses than usual!
The fifth and final dog food on the list is Blue Buffalo anything. This is the dog food made with all-natural ingredients. Unless you consider yourself an entitled douche who eats steamed liquid kale with Gwyneth Paltrow, get yourself something else. Be a man and eat some real dog food!
Furthermore, next time you are somehow both starved and force fed at the same time, pick one of these scrumptious dog foods and enjoy your miserable existence!
The above was obviously satire, and crappy satire at that. Please don’t eat dog food. Or do; we don’t care. Though we must admit that the application process for working for The Funyon does involve cat treats.
