Rank: 1.5/5
“Pan,” directed by Joe Wright, was about as pleasant as being hit in the face with a frying pan.
Functioning as a prequel to J.M. Barrie’s “Peter Pan,” the show tells the tale of how Peter Pan came to be. In the movie, he is simply known as Peter. His relatives are part of a tribe called Pan, whose symbol he wears as a necklace, though he doesn’t know it yet.
Peter (Levi Miller) is an abandoned orphan in World War II-era London. One night, some strange characters drop on cords from the ceiling and take away the children to Neverland.
However, Neverland isn’t quite what you may remember it as. There Peter and the others are forced to mine for fairy dust under the orders of antagonist Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman).
The dirty and shabby boys and men chant Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which is odd enough already, not to mention that it’s WWII-era back in London. Blackbeard is possibly one of the worst antagonists there ever was. He is not particularly scary and just seems annoyed most of the time.
Peter befriends Hook (Garret Hedlund), who in himself is a completely new character. Charming and not far off the mark of an Indiana Jones type hero, his character presents the question of what happened that caused his alter ego to take over in “Peter Pan.”
Together they escape Blackbeard’s clutches with the help from Mr. Smee (Adeel Akhtar). Once out of the mines and into the wild, they find the natives. Clad in a rainbow of colors and chant-dancing almost all of their screen time, they reveal that Peter is the “Chosen One” who will defeat Blackbeard. Boring.
There are giant crocodiles, creepy mermaids, swarms of tiny fairies, memory trees and more. The final showdown takes place in the “fairy hive” where we get a glimpse of Tinkerbell. Glimpse is used lightly because she’s actually just a tiny ball of light with no distinctive features.
While it gives viewers a slight trip down memory lane, it ends up being more of a face plant into the pavement than a magical stroll through our favorite far away land.